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I read an article courtesy of my beautifully successful friend Jamie that really pissed me off.

Here’s the synopsis: In the book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, Lori Gottlieb argues that if a hyper-educated, ambitious woman is still single after age 35, it’s because she’s too picky. According to Gottlieb, these aging go-getters are sans man because they have “unconscious husband-shopping” checklists a mile long. When they were younger, these women rejected men for having red hair or saying the word awesome too much. Now they are paying for their excessive youthful pride: Their marital prospects—and their eggs—have dried up. To avoid this trap, she posits, women in their late 20s and early 30s should settle for the “8,” instead of waiting around for the “10.”

Settle? Settle?

Let me preface this by saying that I have not read the book, however, I have read several reviews that summarize the contents pretty much the same way: women are too picky and should settle for someone that’s good enough instead of holding out for the perfect guy they deserve. To be honest, I’m not sure I could get through the entire book without wanting to throw it out the window.

First of all, I think there is a very small percentage of women who actually stop dating someone because their hair is red or they say the word “awesome” to much. To say that’s the majority of women is outlandish. Of course, a woman who is really seeking out a life partner has standards (or at least they should). I know what I want, I know what I deserve, I know what I’m looking for, and there are certain things I am just not willing to compromise on. Suggesting that I must compromise those things in order to be with someone, anyone, is unfair. I would rather be alone than be with someone that doesn’t offer me what I know I deserve.

Relationships take compromise. I understand that. But you should never compromise so much that you are losing what you rightfully deserve and want. You should never settle. Ever.

Marriage is not a fix for everything. It won’t just automatically make you happy. In fact, if you marry the wrong person, it will inevitably make you incredibly unhappy. Some people are happier not being married at all.

I work in an office mostly comprised of late 20s to early 30s men and women. The majority of the men in our office are married. However, the majority of the women in the office are not. Gottlieb suggests that there is something wrong with a 30-40 year-old woman that is not married. What if you’re doing other things in your life that are making you happy? What if you are happy with your career? Your friends? Your family? Marriage doesn’t make everyone happy and it shouldn’t be assumed to do so. Especially when in involves settling for less in order to achieve this “happiness.”

In my opinion (and Jamie’s as well), when you start to settle in one area of your life, that mentality will expand into other areas. What is that saying about us? That we don’t go for what we want? For what we deserve? We just find some guy that is somewhat nice and say, “ok, that’s fine, you’ll do”? No. You go after what you want and deserve no matter what. In all aspects of your life.

This brings me to another article I read from the New York Times earlier this week (and a conversation I had with a person I used to date). When talking about why our dating never turned into anything more, one of his excuses was that he’s “not compatible with someone who makes their job their life.” Coincidentally enough, I came across this article the day after this conversation. The article expresses how Americans 30 to 44 years old is the first generation in which more women than men have college degrees. Women’s earnings have been increasing faster than men’s since the 1970s. And men are intimidated. They think you’re high-maintenance if you look like you don’t need anyone to take care of you. It’s intimidating for men to interact with smart women who possibly make more money than they do. They feel inferior. It’s a gender role reversal that should have (obviously) never existed in the first place. But, now that it does, women are having a hard time overcoming it. So, what are we supposed to do? Dumb ourselves down? Pretend we’re not smart, driven and capable? I think not. We’ve all worked really hard to turn around the female reputation in the workplace. There’s no turning back now.

I am an incredibly independent person. I am self-sufficient. I am successful. I am happy. Do I think that it’s going to be hard to find a man with the same ideals and goals as I have and that will respect and even appreciate my work ethic? Yes. Will I settle for someone who doesn’t? No.

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