The past two weeks have been wonderful. As you may know, I began a “cleanse” which is really turning into what I hope to be a lifestyle change. Clean eating makes me feel so good. And my workouts? The best ever. I’m thoroughly enjoying truly taking care of my body.

Not to mention, I forgot how much I enjoy cooking. Yes, some days it feels a little tedious, but I have cooked breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, for almost 14 days straight. I’m learning new techniques, how to make chopping efficient, and that julienning just about anything takes forever.

It’s helped me find balance.

I’ve woken up early to make sure I have enough time to prep both breakfast and lunch. I’ve drank an entire Nalgene of water before I even get to work (which means I’ve peed like three times already). When I cook, I’m disconnected. The boyfriend just puts on some music, and we work together to prepare the delicious meals. It feels great.

I also wish I had a bigger fridge.

The whole, fresh, natural and simple ingredients in each dish have also helped me realize that simplicity is better when integrated into my whole life. If I’m not eating all of this extra crap, why should my life contain any extra crap at all?

Over the past 2 weeks, I’ve reorganized. I’ve developed a plan to limit multitasking and help me focus on one task at a time and write down any extra thoughts that pop into my head while I’m completing a different task (usually, I’d switch gears and complete it right then).

This “cleanse” takes planning. Each Sunday, I’ve spent about two hours prepping and planning — printing a grocery list, printing recipes, planning workouts and other activities meant to de-stress. It’s been time consuming, but I’ve totally loved it.

So, as we dive into February (yes, February, when the heck did that happen?), these two words are my theme:

Simplify. Balance.

Also, if you want to check out all the deliciousness I’ve been eating, head over here.

The past two months have been a blur. Christmas in Sonoma. Phoenix between Christmas and New Years. New Years Eve in San Francisco. Weekend with my brother. My dad in town for my Big Birthday. Then Chicago last week for work.

I know. Breathe.

Needless to say, the vow I made earlier in 2011 fell to the wayside. I had promised myself (and had actually followed through for quite a while) that I was going to change my eating habits in a healthy way. No more crash dieting for an easy fix — I was making a lifestyle change. Eating organic, locally grown produce. Cage-free, organic eggs and poultry. Grass-fed, organic beef.

And then the holidays came along. And visitors. And travel.

I stumbled upon WholeLiving.com — a Martha Stewart spin-off site that’s designed to offer tips and advice for a well-balanced whole life. The site includes everything to enhance your wellness, balance, food, fitness, beauty. It also provides information on how to live great and how you can help in your community. There are quizzes and worksheets and recipes and plans and I’m in love with this site.

I’ll be participating in the Whole Living 28-Day Mind + Body Challenge: a four-week “jump-start on a year of total mind and body wellness.”

The first two weeks are a detox, full of recipes developed by chef Louisa Shaifia, author of “Lucid Food,” and emphasize clean, flavorful ingredients. Some of which, I’ve never cooked with before.

Week one will be challenging. I’ll be eating fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts. No bread or meat for week one. Foods like: Roasted Garlic and Beet Soup and Kale Slaw with Red Cabbage and Carrots will be gracing my table this week.

This, to me, is more than just a cleanse. And the 10 Tenets of Whole Living describe exactly what I’m hoping to get out of the next four weeks:

1. Happiness is a choice. Make that choice today and every day.

2. Good health isn’t a gift; it’s a habit you cultivate.

3. A healthy, fit body is not enough–true fitness engages the spirit.

4. Think more about what you should eat than what you shouldn’t.

5. Laugh at yourself. You’re funny.

6. Nurture your spirit. It’s your source of strength.

7. Stay connected to the natural world. It will feed your soul.

8. Believe in yourself. Your intuition is rarely wrong.

9. It’s never too late to take the first step toward your aspirations.

10. What you pay attention to will thrive.

I’ll be posting photos of the food I prepare and will of course, let you all know how it goes!

Day 1

Breakfast: Grapefruit, Carrot and Ginger Juice

Lunch: Kale Slaw with Red Cabbage and Carrot

Dinner: Roasted Beet-Garlic Soup 

Day 2

Breakfast: Antioxidant Smoothie 

Lunch: Kale Slaw with Red Cabbage and Carrot

Dinner: Roasted Red Pepper, Cauliflower and Almonds 

Day 3

Breakfast: Beet, Apple and Mint Juice

Lunch: Spiced Butternut Squash and Apple Soup

Dinner: Roasted Red Pepper, Cauliflower and Almonds 

Day 4

Breakfast: Green Juice

Lunch: Spiced Butternut Squash and Apple Soup

Dinner: Steamed Broccoli and Squash with Tahini Sauce 

Day 5

Breakfast: Green Machine Smoothie

Lunch: Avocado with Bell Pepper and Tomatoes

 Week 2

Day 1

Breakfast: Vegetable-Miso Soup with Chickpeas

Lunch: Raw Kale with Pomegranate and Toasted Walnuts

I hadn’t cried in a while. It’s not that I couldn’t, it’s just that it takes the right place, right time, right mix of crap in life to make me really cry. I’m not talking  about the tear that creeps its way to sunlight when watching a commercial about rescuing puppies. And I’m not talking about the multiple tears that stream down my face after watching The Notebook or Titanic. I’m talking seriously, heaving, drooling, snotting, makeup-running-everywhere, bawling. Yep. That was me tonight. It wasn’t pretty. But I was present.

It was a series of events that led me to this “breakdown.” None of which amount to much, really, but it was the messy amalgamation that really put me over the edge. That, and it’s the time of year.

It’s always right around my Birthday — when my dad comes to visit — that I seem to lose it. I’m not sure if it’s just because my Birthday is imminent, I’m a year older, a year closer to 30, a year further away from 21 and my childhood. Or if it’s because I wait all year for this quality time with my dad, who tends to ground me (in the good way) every time I see him and get to spend time alone.

Tonight was my night. And this Dane Cook skit is perfect. Watch the whole thing. Trust me.

Sometimes, we just need a good cry. Get all that pent up aggravation out of us. Refocus on breathing. Get back under control. And realize that life goes on, and for the most part, it’s good.

That, and hugs never hurt anyone either.

It seems to be this way every year — I wake up and it’s suddenly January. Christmas lights have been taken down, cinnamon candles snuffed out, gingerbread cookies meeting their fate at the bottom of a Glad bag. And the holiday season — my favorite season — has come and gone in a daze.

This season has always made me (and millions of other bloggers and people) a bit reflective. I think about the past year, all of the things I’ve accomplished, all that I did not, what I’m proud of, what I regret or wish I did more.

2011 was a blur.

So many times, I looked back on an evening, on a day at work, on a weekend trip, and can hardly remember what I did. Jetting in and out of the city, eating, drinking, working, exercising, — I was constantly moving this past year. It was a year of busy. Of hustle.

New Years Eve 2011 seems like another lifetime.

As I dive into 2012 with a little less certainty but just as much ambition, my goal for this year is to be present. Live in the moment — this very moment, right now.

I don’t believe this is going to be easy. At all. Because being a Type-A, have-to-plan-every-single-thing-if-it’s-not-in-my-Google-calendar-it-doesn’t-exist kind of person doesn’t exactly play nicely with the idea of letting go of control and being in the now.

My whole life has been about what’s next. I worry about things I need to do, about what might happen. I’m anxious that things might go wrong. I hope for things, dream. And, of course, I relive the past. I wonder what would have happened if I had done something differently. I’m human.

But this year, I choose to think of what’s happening right now, at this moment and not be clouded by worries, or failures, or uncertainties.

I’m far from alone on this journey. There’s a concept called Flow and, in summary, it’s about losing yourself in what you’re doing — reaching that magical zone where you forget about the outside world and are completely doing just what you’re doing. WIth all of the distractions in the world, this magical zone is pretty hard to achieve.

As of now, the only time I get there (occasionally) is when I write. And that’s my absolute favorite time — when there’s not a thing in the world that could puncture my focus.

It’s going to take practice; honing in on my brain, forcing it to focus on one activity, letting that one activity envelop me in a sense of carefree balance. A feeling of being alive.

I’ll start with writing. Once a day, for thirty minutes. Either here, or elsewhere on the Internet (or better yet, in my handwritten journal that hasn’t seen the light of day in months).

Writing with focus, with heart, with passion, will be a good start to leading me into the present moment. And ideally, this focus and heart and passion will bleed into every aspect of my life. Because I don’t want to miss anything. 

From Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist:

Norah: Are you sad that we missed it?

Nick: We didn’t miss it. This is it.

There must be a new year coming up because change is in the air.

I haven’t written about my job in a while, so I’ll take the liberty of giving you all a brief update. In May, Context Optional (the company that brought me to San Francisco) was acquired by Efficient Frontier – a search optimization and advertising company. I won’t get into the details of the transition, but it hasn’t been easy.

A few weeks ago, Adobe’s intent to purchase Efficient Frontier (and subsequently, Context Optional) was announced, and the transition and integration wheels have been turning rapidly.

While I don’t know the details of what’s going to happen with this acquisition, everything seems to be really positive. But situations like these always make you stop, think and reassess where you are in your career and where you want to be.

I’ve been asked of late, “What’s your five year plan? Where do you see yourself in five years careerwise?”

And overall, I’m stumped.

I’ve been blessed with an incredible job (that may be just as incredible at Adobe), and to be honest, I haven’t thought about where I want to be in five years. Being inexplicably happy doing what I do right now, hasn’t left much room for aspiration outside moving up in my current company and learning all I can from the extremely intelligent colleagues I currently work with. I’ve taken each day one at a time and haven’t thought too far ahead in the future.

For those of you who know me well, this might be surprising. I’m a planner. I thrive on making plans, and to be frank, I feel out of control and unorganized without them. My problem with plans is that I always want to do too much. I end up over-extending because I want to do everything. 

I had an interesting and timely conversation with a colleague and friend today at lunch during which she gave me probably the best career advice I’ve received:

“Look at your boss. Do you want their job? If so, do you know what you need to do to get there? Create that plan and that track for yourself.”

This goes for anyone — WHO has the job I want? And how can I get it? What steps do I need to take to get where I want to go? Now, that’s a five year plan.

The hard part is figuring out where I want to go.

Right now, the future of Context Optional, of my job as it is, is not confirmed or really predictable at all. And that’s okay. For now. I’m okay with sitting still for a bit and letting the chips fall where they may, but I’m a creator of reality and waiting for opportunity to fall in my lap is not my style.

So, I’m going to do everything I can to decide where I want to go, and determine if I’m on the right trajectory to get there.

The most important thing? Be open to change and opportunity. And that’s what I’m focusing on right now.

Ahh, change. How I love to hate thee.

One year ago today, an extremely nervous man knocked on my door. He had earphones in and a notebook with the cover turned inside out so the pages were visible.

“Shh… Just let this cheeseball moment happen,” read the first page.

So I did. I slumped against the doorframe, smiling, waiting for him to flip the page.

The final page flipped, asking, “Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes,” I said, flinging my arms around him.

That was the beginning of Gabe and Lauren: Volume I. And one year later, I’m just as happy as I was on that day.

Today marks day one of the longest time I’ve been away from San Francisco since I moved two and a half years ago.

I overpacked.

I have mastered the art of packing for an overnight trip in one small duffel bag.

A weekend trip? No problem, I’ll just take my carry-on.

But two back-to-back trips, spanning over 13 days? What do I pack?? I guess it’s better to be over-prepared than under…

First Stop: Las Vegas

I’m currently in between sessions at the WOMMA Summit at the Cosmopolitan Hotel in Las Vegas. This hotel is incredible. I’ve stayed in nice hotels before, but this one takes the cake.

I love the WOMMA Summit. Last year, I made some great friends and connected with some of Context Optional’s biggest customers (and even some potential customers, too!). I’m really looking forward to what this year brings.

Second Stop: Colorado (and I’m nervous)

On Friday, I fly directly from Las Vegas to Denver. My little cousin — who I suppose isn’t so little any more — is becoming a Bar Mitzvah on Saturday and I’m joining in on the festivities. Can’t miss a Torah reading sesh and a DJ playing Top 40s!

I’m staying through the entire week to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I can’t wait to spend some time in Colorado — I really haven’t been back for an extended period of time since I moved. I can’t wait to catch up with my bestie, and all of my other friends who have scattered around the country.

I’m nervous because…..my boyfriend is joining me and my family this year for Thanksgiving….

We’re approaching our one-year anniversary (where the heck did the time go??) and while I am nervous for him to be all up in my element, I’m really excited to show him around Colorado. He’ll have a chance to experience where I grew up, where I hung out, what I did, and meet all of my friends and family.

Here’s to a wonderful 13-day adventure!

It’s officially fall in San Francisco. Yesterday, I froze. I’ve been fighting off fall in terms of traditional garb because in San Francisco, fall comes a bit late. Summer isn’t summer and the beginning of fall is the warmest time of the year. I wore t-shirts, skirts, dresses, flip-flops while the rest of the nation (mostly) began untucking their scarves from their hideaways and donning boots and jackets.

I still love San Francisco, but the seasons (or lack thereof) kind of suck.

Fall always makes me a bit nostalgic. Living in Colorado, fall was always the most beautiful time of year. The aspen leaves turn from green to yellow to orange to red, leaving the city aglow. They create an aura throughout each neighborhood, lining streets with their vivacious color. The air just feels like fall. It’s light and chilled and crisp. Everyone is happy as the holidays approach.

In San Francisco, it’s a little different. We have Indian Summer (which is our only summer) and then it abruptly changes from warmth to cold and windy.

They’ve begun lining the streets with Christmas lights and the store below my office has been carrying an array of ornaments and holiday decorations since well before Halloween. We’re preparing for the holidays, but not with as much warmth and comfort as Colorado.

The holidays here are retail. They’re sales and shopping and hustly bustly tourists; shopping bags leaving indentations in their arms.

I’ve done everything I can to make my home feel cozy and warm for fall — candles, the scents of cinnamon, cloves, vanilla, I’ve purchased new scarves and boots for the season (that I’ll wear year round here, I’m sure). Pumpkins and squash and other hot comfort foods are now on every menu, but it still feels…colder here.

Fall to me means family. It means curling up by a fireplace, reading a book, watching a movie, snuggling with my mom or dad under a blanket, kissing the dogs, sleeping in my bed, laughing with friends over Pumpkin Spice Lattes, shoveling snow off of my car, standing outside watching my breath form little cloud puffs in the cold night air.

Every year, at this time, I get a little nostalgic. Like I want to crawl back in the past and spend one more fall, one more winter, in Colorado.

I have writer’s block.

I know, color you surprised. This has happened before, but this time is a little different. Yes, I don’t know what to write about, which is essentially one of the definitions of writer’s block, but I can’t seem to distinguish whether it is, in fact, writer’s block, or if I’ve just been too busy to actually form a cohesive thought.

Between work and traveling and family events and coordinating things for the Holidays and a social life and reorganizing and cleaning things, I l.i.t.e.r.a.l.l.y. feel like I’ve been under a rock.

I haven’t even been able to keep up with the Internet.

I got this cool new app on my iPad called Read It Later so I can actually attempt to catch up on all the sites and articles that I come across throughout the day but can’t spare a moment to read through. But by the time I get into bed and open up my iPad to begin reading, I’m already asleep. My poor boyfriend.

I think the strangest thing is that writing is the only item on my plate right now that’s giving me anxiety. I feel like I have everything under control and that most facets of my life are right where they should be for the first time in a while. But that fact that I’m not writing, I’m not spending time on my blog or on my personal journal, distresses me.

There isn’t pressure to write for you per se. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing for all of you, but when I write, I really write for me. So it’s my own pressure eating away at me, making my heart race and force a blog post out or make myself feel guilty and overwhelmed when I legitimately haven’t had the time.

That’s where I come in to beat myself up.

I’ve always said that you make time for the things you love. And I believe it. One hundred percent. That’s why relationships work (or fail). That’s why people are dedicated to charitable events or hobbies, etc. I haven’t been making time for myself to write, and I regret that.

I can’t promise that this will change, but my awareness of it is step one, I suppose. Even if I can just post a stream of conscious like this one once a week, I’ll be happy

How do you make time for the things you love when you’re busy?

When I was younger, my dad would take my brother and me camping. We’d stay in tents, bring freeze-dried food (you know, like the food astronauts would eat), build a campfires, cook s’mores, and spend quality time together. Once we discovered that camping wasn’t my brother’s thing, it became a father/daughter tradition.

Each year, we’d camp somewhere different in Colorado — Rocky Mountain Park mostly. Lake McConoughey was the one year that was too hot for a campfire. We were eaten alive by mosquitos and fell off our jet skis.

Once I was “too old” for camping with my dad, we turned our annual trip into a few days of fishing. Even since I moved to San Francisco, we’ve kept the tradition alive.

A few weeks ago, I flew to Colorado for our annual fishing trip. Dad has the right idea — sweeping me away to a place where there’s minimal cell phone reception and no WiFi or Television. As expected, we had a wonderful time catching fish, cooking breakfast, eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Oatmeal Cookie Chunk ice cream, pretending it was my Birthday at a restaurant to get a free cannoli, you know, the usual.

We sat outside one night (in the freezing cold) and talked about life and choices and the future. And it made me think about how I really love this tradition. I love looking forward to our father/daughter fishing trip each year.

I love traditions. 

I’d go shopping with my mom every Black Friday. My grandmother still hosts a back-to-school dinner with the entire family in August. In college, my roommate and I would celebrate every single birthday at Red Robin so we’d get a free sundae and the big red bird would come sing to us. Every Christmas or New Years is spent in Arizona with my grandparents.

Now that I live in San Francisco, I find myself creating my own new traditions and working extremely hard to keep the traditions from Colorado alive. Every January, my dad flies out to celebrate my Birthday. Each November, I make sure to visit Union Square and watch them light the giant Christmas Tree. Each Fourth of July is spent with my Casi and her Greg down by Ghirardelli Square. Slowly but surely, the longer I’m here, my list of traditions is growing.

But it’s not the same. 

I can’t believe that it’s almost the holiday season — my favorite season for traditions. I’m planning on flying to Colorado for Thanksgiving and hoping le boyfriend is going to join me. I’ll still go to Arizona for Christmas/Hannukah. But it just doesn’t feel the same. My family is missing, my best friend is missing, and traditions aren’t the same when the people that were part of them aren’t anymore.

Now, this season is filled with hope, nostalgia and appreciation. Hope that more traditions will evolve over time, nostalgia for the traditions that once were, and appreciation for the traditions that have stayed alive throughout change.