Last weekend, the Boyfriend and I went exploring. For the past five months or so, we’ve been on opposite schedules and haven’t been able to spend a whole lot of quality time together. The remedy? Taking a quick road trip to Hog Island Oyster Farm in Marshall, CA.

You see, I’m obsessed with oysters. I developed this taste for these little crustaceans when my dad took me to Vegas for my 21st Birthday. I’ve been enthralled ever since. Now, I’m no expert on the different types of oysters. Whether they’re Pacific Oysters or Kumamoto Oysters or Atlantic Oysters, I wouldn’t know the difference. I just like them meaty, sweet and served with a tangy mignonette and some horseradish sauce.

But at Hog Island Oyster Farm, they’re not only known for their fresh-out-of-the-water oysters that you can shuck yourself, they also BBQ their oysters to perfection. Like, it’s ridiculous how delicious these BBQ oysters were. Oh. Em. Gee.

Hog Island Oyster Farm is just about an hour outside the city. It’s well-worth the drive, too, if you take Highway 1 (and you don’t get carsick). The weather was perfect — so perfect we blasted top 40s music (much to the Boyfriend’s dismay) with the windows down.

We stopped at Trader Joe’s on the way and picked up some snacks. Hog Island lets you bring your own goodies as well as purchase oysters there. They sell only oysters, cheese, bread, wine and beer. Who needs anything else? Well, we snagged some crackers and dip, some bottled water, and prepared for our own little picnic.

We arrived at Hog Island at 11:30 — plenty of time to drink some wine, bask in the sunshine and eat some oysters.

There are two options at Hog Island. You can rent out a large picnic table that’s complete with a barbecue where you can grill, really, whatever you want. You can purchase oysters in bulk and shuck them yourself, or you can order shucked oysters at the oyster bar. Or you can just show up (which is what we did) and order shucked oysters or BBQ oysters and grab a communal picnic table.

We ordered both raw oysters and BBQ. Both were….so incredible we ordered two rounds equalling a grand total of 48 oysters. OY! (See what I did there?)

And the BBQ…

HEAVENLY.

After some wine and some beer and a year’s worth of oysters, we decided to leave Hog Island Oyster Farm and venture to Petaluma for some ice cream. I’d never been to Petaluma before — it’s adorable. Quaint little shops and boutiques, local bars, what looked like some good restaurant, and killer ice cream.

We took some outfit photos for Aubergine & Eggplant (post coming soon), and headed back to the city so the Boyfriend could be at work on time.

While it didn’t seem like enough time together, getting out of the city really made a big difference in the quality of our “us” time. We were undistracted (Hog Island is so far out there isn’t even cell phone reception! Blasphemy!) and were able to catch up on the important stuff, not just the small talk. It feels like we’re back on track, and that feels good.

My step-mom sent me this email:

Subject Line: Blame
How the world works lately…

If a man cuts his finger off while
Slicing salami at work,
He blames the restaurant

If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
Your family blames the
Tobacco company.

If your neighbour crashes
Into a tree while driving home drunk,
He blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are
Brats without manners,
You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a
Deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer..

And if a crazed person breaks
Into the cockpit and
Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
And the passengers
Kill him instead,
The mother of the crazed deceased
Blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to
Understand the world
As it is anymore.

So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS
is parked in front of this COMPUTER,
I want all of you to blame Bill Gates.

Last paragraph aside, this actually made me think a bit. It’s true. If any action anyone takes doesn’t turn out how it was planned, the blame gets placed on something or someone else. “Well, it was their idea, “the tool malfunctioned,” “it was a Facebook bug,” “that man was an asshole.”

Whatever happened to holding yourself accountable?

Whatever happened to taking pride in your work? To owning it. The good and the bad.

We don’t always have the best ideas. And sometimes, when we test them out, they fall flat. But instead of picking ourselves up and learning from the mistakes we made, we blame something else. It wasn’t our idea that didn’t work. No, it couldn’t possibly be my mistake.

I’ve been interviewing a lot of candidates for a role on my Community Engagement team. One of the top questions these candidates ask (and good for them!) is, “How would you describe your management style.”

I rely on my team to be self-accountable. They know what they need to do, and if they don’t they ask. Then, I hold them to doing it on their own. I help, of course, but they are responsible for accomplishing their own goals. I enable. I empower. But it is up to them to be successful. And they are. If they’re not, if they make a mistake, we talk about it, learn from it, and move on.

I hold myself accountable for just as much — my actions and choices, my responsibilities, and my goals. It’s up to me to achieve them. I’ll lean on others for advice or encouragement, but ultimately, I am responsible — accountable — for myself.

It’s all about choices. If you choose to smoke three packs a day, it’s no one’s fault but your own if you die from lung cancer. If your grandchildren are brats with no manners, do something about it. And if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this COMPUTER, it’s because I wasn’t out living, not because of Bill Gates (or Steve Jobs, thanks DAD).

People tell me I always have an opinion. “Ask Lauren, she’ll have an opinion.” “I bet Lauren has a point of view.” “I’m sure Lauren will want to weigh in.”

Yes.

I am opinionated. And proud of it. I am transparent and honest and sometimes I over-share, but that’s part of what makes me, me.

I like to share. I like to influence. I have a voice and I want to use it. And if I can add any sort of value or perspective to any conversation or person, I’m happy.

I’m asked a lot why I’m so outspoken, why I feel comfortable with my life being an open book. How can I feel so be comfortable revealing so much of myself? My answer is this: we have one life and it’s my job while I’m living to share as much of my life with others as possible. Lisa Barone said it best, “I know that for myself, while most people are scared to expose themselves, I’m scared not to. I’m scared of the moment that occurs when you decide NOT to use your voice because you’re afraid of the reaction. I’m not afraid of the fallout of speaking, I’m afraid of losing myself when I don’t speak. I’m afraid of what happens when instead of showing people what I’m about, I choose to nod quietly and let them get the wrong idea.”

It’s not hard to have an opinion. Everyone has opinions or feelings or inclinations or preferences. Some people choose to share them and others don’t. There are some topics that I don’t weigh in on — I’m not a pro when it comes to politics, for example; therefore, I don’t pretend I understand or know more than I do. Do I have preferences or beliefs around certain social issues, absolutely. But I won’t pretend I know everything about individual candidates, etc. I always speak with conviction on the topics I know the most about.

I’ve come to learn that while opinions can be powerful, what’s even more is listening to and learning from other people’s perspectives.

“As a leader… I have always endeavored to listen to what each and every person in a discussion had to say before venturing my own opinion. Oftentimes, my own opinion will simply represent a con-sensus of what I heard in the discussion. I always remember the axiom: a leader is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go out ahead, whereupon the others follow, not realizing that all along they are being directed from behind.” — Nelson Mandela

When you listen, you learn. Someone else just might have an opinion that is just as valid (and sometimes even more!) than yours.

Being Outspoken: A Guide
Be confident in who you are and your skills and abilities.
Be confident, but modest.
Never be arrogant.
Your opinion isn’t the only one out there.
Never put others down.
Everyone has an opinion and it’s not your job to convince them that you’re right.
Chances are, there are multiple “rights.”
Admit when you don’t know the answer or when you don’t have an educated opinion.
Analyze and be aware of opposing thoughts.
Let it go when you need to.
Never be aggressive.
Be open. Your ideas aren’t the only ones out there.
Most importantly, listen.

Are you outspoken? How do you balance your opinions?

Remember, in high school, when you met that one girl (or guy) with whom you just clicked? You both liked the same music, the same burrito bowl at Chipotle, the same smoothie at Jamba Juice, and therefore you were soulmates — attached at the hip. You wove together friendship bracelets and swear you’d never ever take yours off.

And then, when junior year hits, you get drunk together when you’re not supposed to. You hate each other’s boyfriends — you each deserve so much better. You sneak into clubs together. You share everything – clothes, boys, secrets. You fight and make up and fight and swear you’ll never be friends again and make up again and slowly learn the power of forgiveness.

Senior year of high school is bitter sweet. You know you’re graduating and you’re not going to the same college. Maybe this is when you’re going to grow apart. Or maybe, just maybe, your friendship can withstand the distance. Maybe, it’ll make your bond even stronger.

In college, you talk about the big stuff. You confide dreams, goals, hopes, the future. You’re confused about your future but you think that as long as you still have each other, everything will be okay. Relationships get more serious. You start talking about growing up, having a family, diving into a career. You still drink too much and refuse to take your sunglasses off at breakfast the next morning. You make mistakes. You forgive each other and yourself. She teaches you to stand up for yourself. You teach her to be patient. You learn from each other.

Graduation approaches and the future is uncertain. One of you moves to San Francisco — to follow her dreams. One of you stays in Colorado, gets married, gives birth to a beautiful little girl — follows her dreams. The dreams may be different and may lead to different paths, but against all odds, your friendship stays strong — stronger than ever.

I have one of those best friends. One of those friends that knows you better than you know yourself. That you can speak to without saying a single word. That gets you and your dreams and your fears and everything. I have one of those friends where we can just be together. We can talk forever and never get it all out. We can be silent together. No matter the distance or the time that passes between phone calls, we can pick back up right where we left off, as if no amount of time has passed. We have history. We have a past and a true understanding of each other that’s irreplaceable.

This past weekend, my best friend left her husband and daughter in Colorado and came to visit me in San Francisco. We had the best time. She is my forever friend. And I’m so lucky to have her.

Facebook has gone and done it again! They’ve made some changes that will affect brand pages by March 30th. I’ve taken a little time (an hour or so) to try and digest some of the changes and interpret them through the Community Engagement lens.

First, a list of the changes (not necessarily complete, we’re still getting info):

• Ability to highlight three tabs across the top (look like boxes now with an image, etc.)
• No more default landing tab, meaning that all pre-Like traffic will land on the wall
• It looks like tabs apps will be wider (810px)
• Awesome new Wall Posts from Fans feature: Setting for: “Check this box if you don’t want posts by others to be publicly visible on your Page until you “Allow on Timeline…”
• Another new setting for:  “Show the box for “Recent Posts by Others” on the top of Page Name”
• New “Admin Panel” organizes Notifications, New Likes, Insights, and Messages (like an inbox for admins).
• …There is a setting for “Show Message Button on Page” – puts a big Message button at top of page, appears to allow private communication between Fans & admins.
• Facebook apps need only ask permission once to share stories on your behalf.
• You don’t have to just Like something — now you can [verb] any [noun]. Facebook Gestures has launched
• Smaller profile picture
• Friend Activity
• Milestones
• Admin Panel
• Pinned/Highlighted posts on Timeline
• Reach Generator — make sure your fans see your stories (75% of your fans on a monthly basis which will increase engagement) (Dr. Pepper = 140% increase in PTAT)
• Facebook Ads (sponsored Stories) will be eligible to be distributed in the News Feed (includes mobile)

No, seriously. When? I had this realization the other day when I was washing the dishes and discussing weekend plans with my boyfriend. I just might be a grown up. And I’m not really sure how I feel about this.

I’ve always been “old for my age” and I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve been told I have an “old soul.” But lately, I’ve really felt….old old. 

Last week was one of the busiest most exciting weeks of my time in San Francisco. My whole Community Engagement team was in town (from London, too), we had workshops and presentations and off-sites, oh my! But the real reason everyone was brought together was for an all-hands meeting with the larger Adobe team with which we’ll be integrated.

If I haven’t shared this with you personally, Context Optional, the company that brought me out to San Francisco, was acquired by Adobe Systems. I am thrilled to be a part of the Adobe team. But things are changing.

The Adobe offices on Townsend are incredible. I didn’t even get a full tour, but the woodwork, the cafe, the lounge areas, the conference/presentation rooms — all beautiful. This is like a real office. Like with a badge and everything.

This is not to say that my experience at Context Optional was anything less than real, but the differences between going from start-up mode to large corporation mode offers some pretty grown up stuff.

Between Liz visiting and my cousin visiting, I also had plans every evening last week. Liz and I spent time sipping Dark & Stormies, gabbing about life, careers, work, moving, plans.

I drank champagne and ate roasted chicken with my cousin and her new husband at Zuni Cafe. We talked about work, her husband’s company, travel. Morning mimosas and shopping for new work clothes took over Saturday. Grocery shopping. Laundry. Chores. Errands. Coffee.

I calendar everything. Color code my to-do lists. Send email invites. Am always organized.

I’m old.

My dad would say to never grow up. He’s still a big kid, so I do have faith that I’ll grow out of this phase of feeling old. Like Sunday, when Casi and I and our boys went to eat loads of Indian food and play pool and foosball all night. I’ll cling on to the things that make me feel young…forever!

Life is about balance, and teetering between needs and wants, goals and desires, is an art. I have a serious responsibility to my job (that I love). Spending time with friends, whether you’re playing arcade games or sipping champagne, is incredibly important. Groceries need to be bought. Boyfriends need attention. Chores need to be done. Errands need to be run. And for all of that to happen, of course, Lauren needs to be caffeinated.

That’s just what happens when you grow up.

The past two weeks have been wonderful. As you may know, I began a “cleanse” which is really turning into what I hope to be a lifestyle change. Clean eating makes me feel so good. And my workouts? The best ever. I’m thoroughly enjoying truly taking care of my body.

Not to mention, I forgot how much I enjoy cooking. Yes, some days it feels a little tedious, but I have cooked breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, for almost 14 days straight. I’m learning new techniques, how to make chopping efficient, and that julienning just about anything takes forever.

It’s helped me find balance.

I’ve woken up early to make sure I have enough time to prep both breakfast and lunch. I’ve drank an entire Nalgene of water before I even get to work (which means I’ve peed like three times already). When I cook, I’m disconnected. The boyfriend just puts on some music, and we work together to prepare the delicious meals. It feels great.

I also wish I had a bigger fridge.

The whole, fresh, natural and simple ingredients in each dish have also helped me realize that simplicity is better when integrated into my whole life. If I’m not eating all of this extra crap, why should my life contain any extra crap at all?

Over the past 2 weeks, I’ve reorganized. I’ve developed a plan to limit multitasking and help me focus on one task at a time and write down any extra thoughts that pop into my head while I’m completing a different task (usually, I’d switch gears and complete it right then).

This “cleanse” takes planning. Each Sunday, I’ve spent about two hours prepping and planning — printing a grocery list, printing recipes, planning workouts and other activities meant to de-stress. It’s been time consuming, but I’ve totally loved it.

So, as we dive into February (yes, February, when the heck did that happen?), these two words are my theme:

Simplify. Balance.

Also, if you want to check out all the deliciousness I’ve been eating, head over here.

The past two months have been a blur. Christmas in Sonoma. Phoenix between Christmas and New Years. New Years Eve in San Francisco. Weekend with my brother. My dad in town for my Big Birthday. Then Chicago last week for work.

I know. Breathe.

Needless to say, the vow I made earlier in 2011 fell to the wayside. I had promised myself (and had actually followed through for quite a while) that I was going to change my eating habits in a healthy way. No more crash dieting for an easy fix — I was making a lifestyle change. Eating organic, locally grown produce. Cage-free, organic eggs and poultry. Grass-fed, organic beef.

And then the holidays came along. And visitors. And travel.

I stumbled upon WholeLiving.com — a Martha Stewart spin-off site that’s designed to offer tips and advice for a well-balanced whole life. The site includes everything to enhance your wellness, balance, food, fitness, beauty. It also provides information on how to live great and how you can help in your community. There are quizzes and worksheets and recipes and plans and I’m in love with this site.

I’ll be participating in the Whole Living 28-Day Mind + Body Challenge: a four-week “jump-start on a year of total mind and body wellness.”

The first two weeks are a detox, full of recipes developed by chef Louisa Shaifia, author of “Lucid Food,” and emphasize clean, flavorful ingredients. Some of which, I’ve never cooked with before.

Week one will be challenging. I’ll be eating fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts. No bread or meat for week one. Foods like: Roasted Garlic and Beet Soup and Kale Slaw with Red Cabbage and Carrots will be gracing my table this week.

This, to me, is more than just a cleanse. And the 10 Tenets of Whole Living describe exactly what I’m hoping to get out of the next four weeks:

1. Happiness is a choice. Make that choice today and every day.

2. Good health isn’t a gift; it’s a habit you cultivate.

3. A healthy, fit body is not enough–true fitness engages the spirit.

4. Think more about what you should eat than what you shouldn’t.

5. Laugh at yourself. You’re funny.

6. Nurture your spirit. It’s your source of strength.

7. Stay connected to the natural world. It will feed your soul.

8. Believe in yourself. Your intuition is rarely wrong.

9. It’s never too late to take the first step toward your aspirations.

10. What you pay attention to will thrive.

I’ll be posting photos of the food I prepare and will of course, let you all know how it goes!

Day 1

Breakfast: Grapefruit, Carrot and Ginger Juice

Lunch: Kale Slaw with Red Cabbage and Carrot

Dinner: Roasted Beet-Garlic Soup 

Day 2

Breakfast: Antioxidant Smoothie 

Lunch: Kale Slaw with Red Cabbage and Carrot

Dinner: Roasted Red Pepper, Cauliflower and Almonds 

Day 3

Breakfast: Beet, Apple and Mint Juice

Lunch: Spiced Butternut Squash and Apple Soup

Dinner: Roasted Red Pepper, Cauliflower and Almonds 

Day 4

Breakfast: Green Juice

Lunch: Spiced Butternut Squash and Apple Soup

Dinner: Steamed Broccoli and Squash with Tahini Sauce 

Day 5

Breakfast: Green Machine Smoothie

Lunch: Avocado with Bell Pepper and Tomatoes

 Week 2

Day 1

Breakfast: Vegetable-Miso Soup with Chickpeas

Lunch: Raw Kale with Pomegranate and Toasted Walnuts

I hadn’t cried in a while. It’s not that I couldn’t, it’s just that it takes the right place, right time, right mix of crap in life to make me really cry. I’m not talking  about the tear that creeps its way to sunlight when watching a commercial about rescuing puppies. And I’m not talking about the multiple tears that stream down my face after watching The Notebook or Titanic. I’m talking seriously, heaving, drooling, snotting, makeup-running-everywhere, bawling. Yep. That was me tonight. It wasn’t pretty. But I was present.

It was a series of events that led me to this “breakdown.” None of which amount to much, really, but it was the messy amalgamation that really put me over the edge. That, and it’s the time of year.

It’s always right around my Birthday — when my dad comes to visit — that I seem to lose it. I’m not sure if it’s just because my Birthday is imminent, I’m a year older, a year closer to 30, a year further away from 21 and my childhood. Or if it’s because I wait all year for this quality time with my dad, who tends to ground me (in the good way) every time I see him and get to spend time alone.

Tonight was my night. And this Dane Cook skit is perfect. Watch the whole thing. Trust me.

Sometimes, we just need a good cry. Get all that pent up aggravation out of us. Refocus on breathing. Get back under control. And realize that life goes on, and for the most part, it’s good.

That, and hugs never hurt anyone either.

It seems to be this way every year — I wake up and it’s suddenly January. Christmas lights have been taken down, cinnamon candles snuffed out, gingerbread cookies meeting their fate at the bottom of a Glad bag. And the holiday season — my favorite season — has come and gone in a daze.

This season has always made me (and millions of other bloggers and people) a bit reflective. I think about the past year, all of the things I’ve accomplished, all that I did not, what I’m proud of, what I regret or wish I did more.

2011 was a blur.

So many times, I looked back on an evening, on a day at work, on a weekend trip, and can hardly remember what I did. Jetting in and out of the city, eating, drinking, working, exercising, — I was constantly moving this past year. It was a year of busy. Of hustle.

New Years Eve 2011 seems like another lifetime.

As I dive into 2012 with a little less certainty but just as much ambition, my goal for this year is to be present. Live in the moment — this very moment, right now.

I don’t believe this is going to be easy. At all. Because being a Type-A, have-to-plan-every-single-thing-if-it’s-not-in-my-Google-calendar-it-doesn’t-exist kind of person doesn’t exactly play nicely with the idea of letting go of control and being in the now.

My whole life has been about what’s next. I worry about things I need to do, about what might happen. I’m anxious that things might go wrong. I hope for things, dream. And, of course, I relive the past. I wonder what would have happened if I had done something differently. I’m human.

But this year, I choose to think of what’s happening right now, at this moment and not be clouded by worries, or failures, or uncertainties.

I’m far from alone on this journey. There’s a concept called Flow and, in summary, it’s about losing yourself in what you’re doing — reaching that magical zone where you forget about the outside world and are completely doing just what you’re doing. WIth all of the distractions in the world, this magical zone is pretty hard to achieve.

As of now, the only time I get there (occasionally) is when I write. And that’s my absolute favorite time — when there’s not a thing in the world that could puncture my focus.

It’s going to take practice; honing in on my brain, forcing it to focus on one activity, letting that one activity envelop me in a sense of carefree balance. A feeling of being alive.

I’ll start with writing. Once a day, for thirty minutes. Either here, or elsewhere on the Internet (or better yet, in my handwritten journal that hasn’t seen the light of day in months).

Writing with focus, with heart, with passion, will be a good start to leading me into the present moment. And ideally, this focus and heart and passion will bleed into every aspect of my life. Because I don’t want to miss anything. 

From Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist:

Norah: Are you sad that we missed it?

Nick: We didn’t miss it. This is it.