I was introduced to Lauren through my brother Jeremy. That’s the interesting thing about people I meet these days. See, I’m considered a member of the “Bear” community. Bears are gay men. A group of gay men that looked around one day and said, “Wait! I’m not a stereotypical gay guy!” and started a new stereotype. We’re often bigger, hairier or butcher than the previous stereotype. Sometimes not. If you want to know more, google it.

Anyway, the downside to “Bear” is that I’ve got a lot of great, awesome fun friends WHO ARE ALL BEARS. I go out to the bear bar and go to bear movie night and hang out with the Coachella bears at the Coachella music festival. There are bear softball leagues and book clubs. It is really easy to socialize within this bubble. I really don’t know that many girls. I don’t ever put myself in social situations where I get to meet straight guys or married couples starting families. I look around my world and see all these other social groups but I look from my world over to theirs.

The problem with this is I’m rarely exposed to ideas and opinions outside of my own. I don’t feel as challenged as I could be. New people and experiences used to bring great things into my life. While I get lots of music and movie recommendations from my friends, it is talking about a movie I loved with someone who hated it that opens up my opinions.

I feel that my predicament is universal. I’ve got homogeny amongst my friends and I think a lot of people suffer from this too. We join facebook groups to talk with others about our religions, our ethnic backgrounds or cultural heritages. It has become easy to seek out our peers. I think it is wonderful to still be close you your high school or college friends, but into your 30’s, their experiences begin to parallel yours so much that you lose exposure to others. Life doesn’t always allow you to stay close to those friends. Sometimes making new ones in a new city is an inevitable part of life.

So, what’s a bear to do? It’s not easy showing up at a social event that is outside of your typical comfort zone. Making friends with coworkers and their spouses can be good, but you don’t always want to hang out after hours with people that you already see 40 hours a week. There are some pretty cool events out there that come with built in chances to get to know people, like Burning Man, or charity events.

The easiest way, for me, out of this social predicament, is my family. My brother has great taste in friends, a lot of whom are girls, straight guys and married couples with kids. Being able to relate to adult experiences, I’m also finding my parents have some pretty cool friends too. While I still have a good network of bear friends, it is nice to meet new friends like Lauren.

Note: This is a guest post written by Geoff. He was born in Surrey, England, moved to San Francisco and is now a Denver, Colo. transplant.

My friend and former assistant, Cameron, called me yesterday with exciting news. He told me that he got hired on full-time at his “travelling job” that he’s had for a while during school. What’s even more special about this, is that Cam has been “following in my footsteps” for a while now – he was my Entertainment reporter when I was Entertainment Editor at the CU Independent; when I was Managing Editor, he was Entertainment Editor; when I was Chief, he was Managing Editor. We’ve been working extremely close – until, of course, I moved to San Francisco. He brought to my attention that the people involved in the CU Independent that have had the most success in finding jobs after college graduation are the people that have been involved in the Entertainment Section.

I do miss certain aspects of working for the CU Independent. What is a little scary is thinking that there have only been a handful of graduating seniors from the journalism school who have been successful in getting a job out of college. What does that say about journalism?

When I first started attending CU, I knew that I wanted to major in journalism. I got involved in what was then the Campus Press right off the bat. I was a wet-behind-the-ears reporter and loved (almost) every second of it. I found my niche in entertainment and decided I wanted to move up the chain of command. I loved editing even more than reporting, however I never lost my yearning for knowledge or my curiosity.

During my involvement with the newspaper, it went through a significant name change and transformed from a print and online publication to being solely online. As Editor-in-Chief, I had to integrate a whole new environment into the mix: the social space.

Also during my reign as Chief, the beloved Rocky Mountain News, a publication that had been around for nearly 150 years, closed.

Needless to say, the closing of the Rocky was very nerve-racking for many graduating seniors. Many people thought/think that journalism is a dying industry. That people will eventually stop reading newspapers all together. That all newspapers will eventually close down and the entire industry will collapse.

I disagree.

Journalism will never die. Even though I am not directly associated with a specifically journalistic entity, I still write like a journalist, I still fact-check like a journalist, I still interview like a journalist, I still am a journalist.

Journalism isn’t dying, it’s changing.

I completely agree with the people that say “why would anyone want to read yesterday’s news in the paper when they can get last minute’s news right here on their iPhone?” While I, personally, still cherish the touch and feel of a real printed newspaper, I do think they are quickly going out of style. However, journalism isn’t about printed papers. It’s about relaying facts, opinions, stories to the mass public so they are informed. Much like many other old industries – like Advertising, Marketing, PR, etc. – they have to adapt and move with the times. Journalism now has an unlimited of venues for information, through Twitter, Facebook, blogs, readers, feeds, the list could go on forever. The Internet provides journalists with ample opportunities to be read. Journalists can utilize links, images, videos and so much more that the web has to offer.

However, does a declining newspaper industry weaken the overall quality of today’s journalism, or can journalism thrive without traditional papers?

Without a newspaper “going to print” every night, I find that some journalists are slightly more careless with the publishing of their stories thinking, “Oh, if something’s wrong, I can just go back and update it real quick.” That shouldn’t be the mentality. Journalists should take pride in their work and treat it with the same journalistic integrity they would if their article was being printed in ink, on paper. Because, in reality, it could be.

According to a testimony by Ben Scott, Policy Director of the Free Press, there are three problems journalism is facing at this time.

1. The collapse of some fairly large daily newspapers.
2. The shift of audiences to the Internet, which brings a decline in circulation and advertising revenue.
3. The increased ease of access to competing sources of news and information that are freely available and often higher quality.

Scott addresses that the close of the Rocky Mountain News and other large metro daily newspapers is largely because of the Internet.

Scott and I are on the same page in thinking that it’s not all dark and that the blogosphere is exploding with journalistic production and new opportunities are constantly appearing.

“The decline of print newspapers doesn’t mean the decline of journalism.”

Scott says that the biggest problem we face is not the decline in newspapers, it’s the possibility that this industry “failure” will result in the dissipation of tens of thousands of highly trained, experienced reporters and deter tens of thousands of talented students from going to journalism school.

For the future of journalism to succeed, we need to create and sustain a model of news production where it’s possible to earn a living writing the news. The Internet presents us with that challenge. Technology is reformatting the way we all view journalism. It’s not killing it; it’s rebuilding.

“Society doesn’t need newspapers. What we need is journalism.” - NYU professor, Clay Shirky

There are no easy answers to these problems. There’s no right or wrong way to view this apparent change. Now is our opportunity to experiment, test out theories and come up with new, creative models for Journalism to succeed.

What do you think?

You can read all of Ben Scott’s testimony here.

So, I decided to try a little something new on the ol’ blog. I seem to have been talking a lot about relationships lately, and I thought it would be interesting to get a male perspective on the world of dating. However, I didn’t expect to get quite the response that I got.

When I asked Josh to write a guest post for my blog because I wanted a male perspective, he was excited. We were discussing the possibilities and decided on the idea of a guy trying to date a girl and ending up in the “friend zone.” How do you get there? Why do you get there? What do you have to do to avoid getting “friended?”

His post came back a little aggressive for my taste, so I’ve taken his post word for word, and turned this into a little point/counterpoint. Hope you enjoy!

First let me thank Lauren for the opportunity and challenge to contribute to her blog. Hopefully I can become a semi occasionally guest contributor to balance her blog with a male perspective.

The question: How long to guys have to make their move until a woman sees them as just a friend?  The underlying reason for this question is why guys seem so hesitant to make a move on a girl they like, which is an interesting question. I have some experience with this situation both positive and negative. I have found myself in situations where I played it cool too long or was to aggressive and for various reasons was unsuccessful with my pursuits. However the reasoning behind a guy’s actions is slightly complicated and depends on the situation he finds him-self in and the circumstances that led him to the courtship of a woman.

First let me preface this answer by establishing a few facts:

Keep in mind that these “facts” that Josh speaks of are his opinion. They are in no way deemed factual representations of what all men think or feel or what is right. Carry on.

1. Guys are “female” stupid no matter how educated they are. So, no matter how cute and coy you think you are being and how awesome your subtle signs are, chances are if you have a guy that’s reluctant to make a move, he probably doesn’t know you like him. Again, guys are simple. They don’t pick up on signs and hints very well. They relish the obvious. They like a chase but they need something to chase.

Now, I am not a “game-player.” I don’t like to play hard-to-get and I don’t like to be toyed with. However, I have to agree with Josh on this one. Even if a guy or a girl says they don’t like games, that doesn’t mean that you throw yourself at them. You have to leave a little mystery. Mystery is what intrigues a man or a woman and keeps them interested in you. Don’t toy with someone’s emotions, but just don’t reveal all of yours all at once. However, I feel that games and relationships are somewhat linked. What are games? They entail goals, rules, challenges and interactions. It’s how you play the “game” that will get you the right end result.

2. Guys don’t want girls that are just friends. Guys have a saying that a friend that’s a girl is just someone you haven’t slept with yet. Yes it’s very pigheaded and very ignorant but in a way it’s very true. Guys never enter into a relationship with a girl because they want to be “friends”, it’s just something that results in a failed attempt at something else. Case in point: Two of my best friends are female. I love them both dearly. One was a girl I had long courtship with butwe became just friends and the other never got passed date one but now we are good friends. The point is that I didn’t want to be just friends with either of these women. I wanted to sleep with these girls and form a romantic relationship. In both cases I accepted friendship as a consolation prize in hopes of maybe becoming more (never happens) and eventually just got used to being friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love both dearly and cherish our friendship but my ego is still bruised.

This is kind of a tough one. It’s walking a thin line between really pissing me off and a somewhat valid argument. I do think that women are just as sexually charged as men. But, some of my very best friends are guys. And perhaps, the trick is that women are able to view guys as just friends right off the bat and men are unable to do so. I’d love to hear some other male thoughts on this. And friendship as a consolation prize? That little comment doesn’t even warrant my response.

3. Women control sex, but guys have to be the aggressors. Women know with the first 10 minutes of meeting a guy if the potential for sex exists. Women like to act like they have more class then men but they see men the same way men see women. They know just by looking at the guy, seeing his stature and his presence how sexually virile they are. They want the man to come over and talk to them. They want to be wooed and charmed. Sure, a guy’s interest might be more animalistic but the intent remains the same. Now it is true that a guy can shoot himself in the foot while a woman can’t. Each guy has a different tolerance level for what crosses the line to make a woman unattractive but it’s a hard line to cross. Versus a woman’s line is very easily crossed. One unsmooth move, one bad joke, one inappropriate comment and the guy has struck out. That’s why women control sex. If women thought like men the population would boom while Trojan and Durex would go out of business. It’s a good thing women control sex.

Even though women control sex they remain utterly confused about guys, which is dumbfounding because we are not that hard to understand. Understanding women is an entirely different animal. Even the brightest minds in the world remain completely dumbfounded about women. How any man scores remains a complete mystery. Either it’s by sheer luck of being in the right place at the right time, or the girl has made it easy to be solved. The problem lies in the fact that women say they want one thing but completely fall for the opposite. So it’s a crapshoot and it’s usually the guys that can bullshit the most that have the most success on a very minor scale.

Sex is complicated. Any way you look at sex, it’s complicated. It complicates potential relationships if it occurs “too soon.” It snuffs out potential relationships if it doesn’t occur “soon enough.” One person could expect more than sex while the other just wants to get laid. I agree that it’s a “crapshoot” but that’s what makes communication crucial. So, maybe the problem is that guys spend their time bullshitting as Josh eludes to, instead of actually communicating therefore they don’t have “success.” Hm.

There is no understanding “women” because we are all individuals. Just like some men are hard to understand as well. We are all individual people. No woman wants the same thing. It’s important to spend more time talking to the person of interest getting to know what they want and stop analyzing women as a whole.

This concept of sexual aggression is very dependent on the situation. The situation in which you met the guy and the situations you find yourself in while initially dating the guy. There’s two ways that a guy pursues a women. Either she’s a girl for the night or a girl for the next day. Different girls have different playbooks. Thus aggression levels are going differ depending how the guy sees you.

Playbooks? Games? BAH! Why don’t you materialize girls a little more. Yeah. That’ll get you laid. Not to mention, when you dump women into two categories, you’re limiting yourself and ruling other possibilities out.

A girl for the night is usually a one night stand, booty call, friends with benefits or a fling type of a relationship. Since we were little boys our mothers have been telling us that wives don’t give it up on the first night. It’s not an instant gratification pursuit. It’s a long term investment. Thus a guy decides early on in his pursuit if it’s a quest for the Holy Grail or the quest for the hot jeans. In this first situation aggression is pretty clear. Just like a lion hunting his prey you have to act quick and hard in order to obtain your feast.

Nice. Now women are being equated to prey. This is why dating is so God-damned hard.

Aggression shows confidence and sexual virility and that’s the very essence of man. That’s his ego coming out and showboating. Often times this aggression and forwardness is aided with the help of alcohol or drugs and by the same sense the woman’s guards and standards are lowered by the aid of alcohol and drugs. If you’re a girl that met their mate in this type of situation, chances are the long term viability of the relationship is not good. There’s a chance that it could turn into more, but that’s more because the guy can get comfortable and lazy with you and is that what you REALLY want?

The second situation is the more traditionally preferred way of meeting a man. This is also the most emotionally dangerous for women and the biggest gamble for men. When it’s just about sex, guys are typically more aggressive. When they have to start rationalizing their feelings and have deeper emotional ties with a female, then the gamble becomes bigger because their ego is more at risk. This is why guys seem more hesitant to make a move and their “female” stupidity takes larger effect.

In the first situation a guy basically just brazenly throws his dick on the table to play all his cards, because if his offer is rejected he can just move onto option #2. This situation is a little more risky because your emotions for the girl are going to affect his ego more. He’s not just going to take a risky gamble and get rejected. He needs a clear sign that his advance is going to be openly received. This is where guys fail to see subtle signs and hidden vibes from women. A guy in this situation is going to be reluctant unless he finds himself in a golden opportunity to minimize the collateral damage associate with his ego taking a shot to the chops. A golden opportunity would be a situation where you and him are either alone at home or in a public place without a lot of group interaction. The chances of a guy making a move where he is highly likely to be embarrassed being rejected is very slim. So if you’re waiting for a guy to make a move you need to present him with these golden opportunities for him to take advantage of. Trust me that a guy is going to be as forward and aggressive as you want him to be after that initial move is made. However, if he fails to take advantage of these golden opportunities, than my friends you might have a sissy boy on your hands.

This last paragraph is very insightful. Guys have egos (we all have egos) and I can only imagine the fear of rejection they have when they’re approaching a girl they actually like. But, you have to take into consideration, that with all the other bullshit Josh explained guys pull, it’s just as difficult for a girl to determine whether or not the guy is actually being honest in his pursuit and we’re not just getting tricked into bed. All of this is what makes dating and relationships so complicated. So game-like. Such a gamble with your heart.

I do, however, believe that if we all can get past the immature games, mind-tricks and overanalyzing, the potential for men and women to be in a successful relationship is quite possible. In my opinion, men and women are a lot more similar than they seem. I think women tend to fear letting out their bluntness and their opinions on sex for fear that men will categorize them into an unkind box, which has been proven true above.

The Friday Q&A series was put on hiatus for the past two weeks, but now we’re back in action! Don’t forget to send me your questions!

Q from Josh: Lauren…Now that its been about 8 months since you were given the opportunity to leave Colorado, is there anything you would have done differently the last 8 months if given the chance?

A: Absolutely not. Is that enough of an answer? I’ll expand. I’ve thought a little about this - whether I would have wanted more time with my family and friends before I left, whether I found the right apartment, whether I chose to live in the right neighborhood, whether I chose the right job. I can say, with complete certainty, that I would not have changed one single thing about my move to San Francisco. I needed to move quickly - rip the bandaid off, otherwise, I may have chickened out. I love my apartment and while my neighborhood can be sketchy at times, it’s my home. My doorman protects me. And the right job? Psht. We all know that this is the dreamiest of dream jobs and I couldn’t be happier. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Q from Pat: If you had an opportunity to design your perfect job (not necessarily the job you currently have) what would it be and where would you like to be located (New York, Washington, SF, etc.,).  Also, where do you expect to be career-wise in five years?

A: Disclaimer: My employer did not pay me to say any of this. I love my job. I have made it explicitly clear just how much I love my job. I am dedicated to it 100 percent, I love almost every second of working there. Of course, I would like opportunities to grow. I envision myself as the Head of Community Management, managing several Community Managers (much like myself right now), providing insight in strategy and implementation for brands on social networks, train Community Managers on messaging and tactics, and being a thought-provoking leader in the space. I’m in love with San Francisco. It was the best decision I’ve ever made moving out here. I’m not sure if I’ll stay in the city for the rest of my life, but I love the Bay Area. I really am living a dream! In five years, I hope to accomplish the goals stated above and be the Head of Community Management. We’ll see how it goes!

So, I watch the Bachelor. Don’t judge me.

I find the concept of the show very interesting. The idea that multiple women fall in love with the same man in an extremely short period of time, the man is supposed to pick one of these women and propose and they live happily ever after, is crazy. But apparently, it happens. And for some, it works.

This season, I fell in love with Ali. She was a “contestant” and an extremely bubbly, cute, funny girl that lives in San Francisco. She has a magnetic personality and it was apparent that Jake (this season’s bachelor) felt the same way.

Ali made it all the way to the final four girls. It was then, hours before the Rose Ceremony (when the bachelor eliminates one girl) that Ali was faced with a choice deemed one of the most difficult decisions of her life. She was forced to choose between going back to work and losing Jake, or being fired from her job and possibly be chosen as Jake’s wife. The reality of this is bleak: Jake was dating and falling for three other women.

Ali went to Jake with the news. She was obviously very upset and torn as to what to do. She weighed her options for him and he was (obviously) unable to give her the reassurance and guarantee that she was seeking. How could he? He was on a television show and, like I said, falling for three other women at the same time. (However, Jake proposing to Ali right then and there would have made for some damn good TV).

After much deliberation and many tears, Ali chose to leave and go back to the job she loves. That episode made me think. Ali loves her job. She is very successful and independent and career-driven. She was faced with the choice of giving up something that she loves, something that is a huge part of her life (finances her life as well) for the possibility of ending up with Jake. For the possibility that he would choose her in the end. For the possibility of getting married and living happily ever after. Her job was the safe choice. Her job was a guarantee.

If I were in that same situation, I would do the same thing.

While I don’t know Ali very well, I think we are a lot alike. She appeared on the Bachelor: The Women Tell All Monday night and said many things that I couldn’t agree more with.

While making her decision, she weighed the possibilities in her mind. She said that when she wasn’t getting the reassurance she wanted, the guarantee she deserved, that, “if what I was feeling was real, it didn’t matter. The show didn’t matter. Even if I left, he would come find me…and, he didn’t.”

But work? She chose work over love? This is where it gets scary similar:

“One thing that I do in real life is I don’t really deal with my emotions. Instead of dealing with them, I just bury myself in work. That’s where I go when I want to block out everything else in my life. It’s my defense mechanism. It’s where I go when I’m scared and it helps me get through things. And I was scared. I was scared of getting my heart broken, I was scared of giving up my whole life for someone who could just turn me down in the end. And more so, I was scared of Jake feeling like he owed it to me. I truly believe that our life is measured by the risks we take, even coming to meet Jake in the first place was a risk.”

I. Do. The. Same. Thing. I work. I work hard. Especially when things in my life are a little “topsy-turvy.” Work keeps me busy, keeps my mind off other things. I turn to work as an escape, too.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t envision these circumstances occurring in real life. (Ideally) I will not be falling in love with someone who is seriously dating and potentially falling in love with several other women. I will (ideally) never be uncertain about the way a man feels about me. I will (ideally) never have to wonder whether he will “pick” me. But the idea based on her decision; work vs. love, is incredibly fascinating to me. And while I work my butt off, and love love love my job, I wonder if it affects the way I view relationships. Do I view my life as being an either or? Either I’m successful at my job or I have a successful relationship? Can’t I have my cake and eat it, too? Is it possible to be dedicated to both a relationship and my job? This goes way back to another post but they’re all good questions.

“I am the biggest advocate of women going out there and having careers. One thing I know though, is that when I’m on my deathbed I don’t want to look back on my life and say I didn’t love enough. I’m making a point in my life to put love first. If I worked as hard at my relationships and at love as I do my job, I think I’d be a lot more successful at my relationships.”

Personally, I think the answers lie in balance. As hard as it is (and I don’t even know the half of it) it’s important to maintain a work-life balance in order to achieve true happiness and success in all aspects of your world. It’s important to work hard, strive for greatness, and dedicate yourself to your job. To a certain point. Because you, your life, your friends, your relationships are just as important if not more than the people that pay your bills.

I envision this being a challenge for me. Forever. When I work, I work 100 percent. When I’m in a relationship, I love 100 percent. But I do understand the importance of both being able to coincide peacefully and productively. And I’ll do it. Without losing any of my independence.

“The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”

I’ve learned many things since I’ve moved to San Francisco. I’ve learned that living alone is incredible. I’ve learned that work and the “real world” is a lot harder than I thought it would be – but it’s also even more rewarding. I’ve learned that I should always look both ways before crossing the street. I’ve learned that cab drivers are generally insane. I’ve learned that winters are rainy and fall is beautiful in the city (and I can’t wait for spring). I’ve learned how to tell when someone is a tourist. I thought that through my journey to the big city, I’d learn a few things. But one of the most important things I’ve learned is the meaning of true friendship. This, I was not prepared to learn.

I have always had lots of friends. Girls and boys. Friends I could laugh with. Friends I could cry with. Friends I could just be myself around. I moved out to San Francisco knowing no one. Not a soul. But I was confident in myself, my dreams and I had encouragement from all my friends. I wasn’t afraid because I knew I had my friends back in Colorado.

Since I’ve moved, I’ve grown apart from several friends. Distance is a difficult obstacle to overcome when trying to maintain a relationship. But I never thought that some of the people that I was so close to, would just…fade away. I hear things like, “I was busy,” “I was working,” “I was with my girlfriend.” I’m not a fan of excuses – never have been. I do understand being busy, I really do. And that’s ok for the first 3 unreturned phone calls.

It’s hard to maintain a friendship when life is getting in the way.

And to be honest, life should never get in the way. That’s what I’ve learned. When you have a true friend. When you have really bonded with someone and they and your relationship with them are the epitome of true friendship, life is the reason for your relationship. You have to call the other person because of your life. You cry to that person, laugh with that person, are there for that person and they’re there for you because of life.

Being busy causes us to prioritize what is important in our lives. It forces us to make time for those that we value. But what’s hard about this is you ultimately realize the people you value, may not value you back. It’s a tough realization and it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that some person, who you might consider a close friend, obviously and blatantly doesn’t shed you in the same light.

What you have to remember is friendship is a two-way street. It’s important in order to maintain a healthy relationship that both parties are participating in keeping the friendship alive equally. And if one person isn’t…

As hard as this may be, I’ve learned that all of this is ok.

Make new friends. Develop new relationships. The ones that matter from your past will stick with you in the future. No matter what. People change. People grow. And the important people grow with you even if you’re growing in different directions.

(I know I’m not the only one who might be going through this – check out my Friday Q&A from two weeks ago).

I spent the past three days in Colorado. I had purchased a discounted ticket a few months back with some coworkers with the intent of spending the weekend on the slopes showing them around my precious Rocky Mountains. As the trip approached, I had to make a decision: show my coworkers from San Francisco around the mountains, or spend time with family and friends in Denver. I opted to spend the weekend catching up with family and friends.

It was an amazing weekend. Spectacular.

I spent Friday night sitting around my Bubbie’s kitchen table reenacting plays she had written in the 70s. She hasn’t been feeling well for a while and isn’t very talkative. But to see her, smiling, laughing, singing made up songs that she wrote 40 years ago, literally brought tears to my eyes. It was in incredible experience – memories and moments that will last forever.

I spent Saturday at my best friend’s baby shower. This was super weird and incredible at the same time. First of all, I can’t believe that my best friend is having a baby. That I’m going to be “Auntie Lo.” That she is so incredibly blessed with an incredible husband and soon will be even more blessed with a beautiful baby girl. But I really can’t believe that I’m not in Colorado, with her, to go through all of this by her side. It’s heart wrenching.

My mom came to the baby shower with me - we spent a lot of time together this weekend. She just moved into a brand new apartment and I finally got to see it. In fact, it inspired me to do a little decorating myself. She works from home and on the days that I was in Colorado and had to work, we were able to work together. It’s always good to spend time with her, and we never get enough of it.

Saturday night was spent downtown Denver with 8 of my closest friends. Friends that I’ve known since I was two, and friends that I met in college, friends that I’ve grown close to over the years. It was a teary reunion, although it didn’t feel like we skipped a beat. I love that feeling – when you pick up exactly where you left off. That’s true friendship.

Sunday I spent the day with my stepmom. This time was amazing. We haven’t been able to really spend a lot of time together just the two of us. I miss the girl talks we’d always have. I’m so fortunate to have a stepmom as incredible as mine – that doesn’t happen all the time. We can talk about anything and everything, and we did.

Monday I was able to spend time with my GaGa and Pa. Although it was a short breakfast, I’m glad we were able to spend time together. My GaGa is the one who brought me to San Francisco on vacation two years ago and helped me fall in love with the city. It’s really because of that trip that I’m even here, so being able to catch up with her was amazing. My Pa just had one of his plays put on in Denver. I’m very proud of the work he’s done and what a talented writer he is (must be where I get it from:)).

My trip to Colorado outdid all my expectations. It was incredible to go back and visit everything I left behind in such a rush. The timing is very interesting as well. Just as I really settled in in San Francisco, just as I started making real, true friends, just as I continue to love my job more and more each day – I go back. I left San Francisco saying, “I’m not going home, home is in San Francisco now!” And now I’m leaving Colorado saying, “I’m homesick and I haven’t even left Colorado yet.”

I miss it. I miss the smell of my mom’s house. I miss my yellow room. I miss my Dusty. I miss cuddling with my dad before bed. I miss the adventure of living in Boulder. I miss my college roommate. I miss the girls nights – eating Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream, watching episodes of Chris Rock, on our floor. I miss my best friend. I miss getting handed a bottle of vodka while stuck in traffic on I-25 and dancing to the Casper Slide in the car on the way to the club. I miss the color-coded lists of boyfriends. I miss driving. I miss the snow (kind of). I miss the comfort of knowing that everyone I love, everyone I’m close to, is right here.

But things change. People grow. My mom sold our childhood house and moved into a swanky little apartment downtown. My best friend’s mom did the same. My dog passed away about a month ago – now my dad’s house feel empty. My best friend is married and having a baby in two months. My college roommate and I have sadly lost touch. All of this, in the last eight months that I’ve been in San Francisco. And I missed it all. While I was doing my own growing. In my new home.

So what happens when your heart is in two places you call home? What I have to remember is that it’s ok to get homesick (for whichever home that may be). It’s ok to feel nostalgic. And it’s ok to miss the ones I love. Moving to San Francisco was the best choice I’ve ever made. I made it for me. My life has been a fairy tale and I haven’t really had a chance to sit and breathe – think about the past eight months and reflect. This trip to Colorado forced me to.

I have two homes now. So what? I have a big heart. There’s plenty to go around…

The questions keep getting better and better! Ask your questions for next Friday under the Ask Lauren tab!

Q from Ryan: I’ve been pondering/struggling with this question for some time now and figured I’d ask you as you seem good at thinking things through and giving advice. A friend of mine who graduated college a couple years ago told me the worst mistake he made in college was asking girls out on formal dates. Do you ever hear the phrase, “I just want to have fun, it’s college!” from someone you have been seeing for a bit and want to start a relationship with? Because that’s all I ever hear. It seems like the furthest thing on a college girl’s mind is a steady relationship. I just want to find a girl that would be fine with staying in on some Friday or Saturday nights, cuddling on the couch, watching a movie and maybe even throw in a bottle of wine or something. Every girl I start to talk to and “date” with seems to want the intimate parts of the relationship without any commitment. I heard the song “Friends, Lovers or Nothing” by John Mayer the other day and it summed up my situation perfectly. You are either friends, lovers or nothing. There can be no in between without hurt feelings, right? Out of those three options I always end up nothing. I don’t do “friends with benefits.” I just don’t. Too many hurt feelings and jealousy occur. So I guess, after that long rant, my question is: are all college girls alike in that they don’t want to be in a relationship or do I just need to keep looking? Where am I going wrong here? Thanks in advance and keep up the good work.

A: First of all, where the heck were you when I was in college? Let me just say that you are beyond the maturity level of the “average” college guy who would actually be thrilled if a girl told him she just wants to have fun, no commitments. I applaud you. You just have to remember, not all girls are alike. It sounds to me like you may just be fishing in the wrong pond. How are you meeting these girls? Class? Parties? How do you approach them? Casually? I agree with you when it comes to it being challenging to not get hurt when you’re in an “in-between” stage. From experience, that “in-between” stage is never mutual. Someone is always wanting more, and in my case, it was always me. Then there comes a point when you realize that the other person is never going to give you more, so you painfully move on. Some people can handle “friends with benefits.” I am not one of them, and it doesn’t sound like you are either. And that’s ok! Here’s the difference: we know what we want. We know what we deserve and what we are willing to compromise. And, like my last blog post exclaimed, DON’T SETTLE! College is tough because people are looking for very different things. And, unfortunately, you’re finding that girls are wanting to take advantage of their freedom and craziness before they’re wanting to settle down in a comfortable relationship. Once you start connecting with people of the same maturity level as you, you’ll score big time. See, they call people like us “hopeless romantics,” although, I don’t believe we are hopeless. In fact, I believe just the opposite. One day, maybe not today or tomorrow, we’ll find that person that fits the exact mold we’re looking for. You’ll find the girl that will want to stay in on some Friday nights cuddling with a bottle of wine. You will. You just have to be patient. And never, ever give up. Hope this helps

Q from Sarah: Well, I wanted to ask for some advice and words of inspiration on how the heck you managed to move to SF in the midst of this awful economy! I live in LA, and moving to SF has been my dream for years. I’m completely obsessed with the city and cant wait to live there. I am approaching the end of my graduate degree and will begin the SF job hunt soon. So my question is….any advice on the job hunt or finding an affordable apt? How are you liking the city so far? I could use some encouraging words.

A: I know exactly how you feel! As I’m sure you read, I fell in love with San Francisco two summers ago and it was my dream to move out here. After I graduated from college, I was determined to find a job and get myself out here – even if it meant working at a bar or a restaurant part-time to make ends meet. But, I got lucky. Finding my current job was a “right place, right time, right qualifications” kind of situation. It’s definitely not the norm, however, I’ve had other friends in the city find jobs they love as well. There are jobs here, no matter what other people tell you. You just have to be creative. Use the Internet. Look on career sites like LinkedIn, Monster, Indeed, etc. Also, look on sites that appeal to your niche (I’m not sure what you’re interested in doing, but there are job sites/postings for everything). Since this is a downturned economy, there are a lot of people applying for jobs. So, like I said, get creative. What makes you different than the girl next to you applying for the same job? Add some flare to your resume. Be friendly and outgoing in your cover letter. Remain professional, but add creativity and originality in everything you send a potential employer. Use your connections. Who you know can really benefit you. And, never give up. Don’t get discouraged if the first 10, heck the first 15, interviews don’t come to fruition. Keep applying and don’t get discouraged. It’s also incredibly important to follow up (I’m sure you know this). But do so in creative, original ways as well. Use social networks. Make connections. Make yourself heard.

As far as apartments go, there is no such thing as a cheap apartment in San Francisco. Unless, you have lots of roommates. In my case, I’m paying for location because it is important for me to be able to walk to work. There are lots of little districts (I’d be happy to share my insight on those if you’d like) and the outskirts of the city tend to be a little less expensive. Just assume that rent is going to be the biggest bill you have to pay, and then you can budget from there. Craigslist is a great resource.

How am I liking the city so far? Man, I love it more and more each day. It was by far and away the best decision I’ve ever made. Hope I helped! Good luck!

I read an article courtesy of my beautifully successful friend Jamie that really pissed me off.

Here’s the synopsis: In the book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, Lori Gottlieb argues that if a hyper-educated, ambitious woman is still single after age 35, it’s because she’s too picky. According to Gottlieb, these aging go-getters are sans man because they have “unconscious husband-shopping” checklists a mile long. When they were younger, these women rejected men for having red hair or saying the word awesome too much. Now they are paying for their excessive youthful pride: Their marital prospects—and their eggs—have dried up. To avoid this trap, she posits, women in their late 20s and early 30s should settle for the “8,” instead of waiting around for the “10.”

Settle? Settle?

Let me preface this by saying that I have not read the book, however, I have read several reviews that summarize the contents pretty much the same way: women are too picky and should settle for someone that’s good enough instead of holding out for the perfect guy they deserve. To be honest, I’m not sure I could get through the entire book without wanting to throw it out the window.

First of all, I think there is a very small percentage of women who actually stop dating someone because their hair is red or they say the word “awesome” to much. To say that’s the majority of women is outlandish. Of course, a woman who is really seeking out a life partner has standards (or at least they should). I know what I want, I know what I deserve, I know what I’m looking for, and there are certain things I am just not willing to compromise on. Suggesting that I must compromise those things in order to be with someone, anyone, is unfair. I would rather be alone than be with someone that doesn’t offer me what I know I deserve.

Relationships take compromise. I understand that. But you should never compromise so much that you are losing what you rightfully deserve and want. You should never settle. Ever.

Marriage is not a fix for everything. It won’t just automatically make you happy. In fact, if you marry the wrong person, it will inevitably make you incredibly unhappy. Some people are happier not being married at all.

I work in an office mostly comprised of late 20s to early 30s men and women. The majority of the men in our office are married. However, the majority of the women in the office are not. Gottlieb suggests that there is something wrong with a 30-40 year-old woman that is not married. What if you’re doing other things in your life that are making you happy? What if you are happy with your career? Your friends? Your family? Marriage doesn’t make everyone happy and it shouldn’t be assumed to do so. Especially when in involves settling for less in order to achieve this “happiness.”

In my opinion (and Jamie’s as well), when you start to settle in one area of your life, that mentality will expand into other areas. What is that saying about us? That we don’t go for what we want? For what we deserve? We just find some guy that is somewhat nice and say, “ok, that’s fine, you’ll do”? No. You go after what you want and deserve no matter what. In all aspects of your life.

This brings me to another article I read from the New York Times earlier this week (and a conversation I had with a person I used to date). When talking about why our dating never turned into anything more, one of his excuses was that he’s “not compatible with someone who makes their job their life.” Coincidentally enough, I came across this article the day after this conversation. The article expresses how Americans 30 to 44 years old is the first generation in which more women than men have college degrees. Women’s earnings have been increasing faster than men’s since the 1970s. And men are intimidated. They think you’re high-maintenance if you look like you don’t need anyone to take care of you. It’s intimidating for men to interact with smart women who possibly make more money than they do. They feel inferior. It’s a gender role reversal that should have (obviously) never existed in the first place. But, now that it does, women are having a hard time overcoming it. So, what are we supposed to do? Dumb ourselves down? Pretend we’re not smart, driven and capable? I think not. We’ve all worked really hard to turn around the female reputation in the workplace. There’s no turning back now.

I am an incredibly independent person. I am self-sufficient. I am successful. I am happy. Do I think that it’s going to be hard to find a man with the same ideals and goals as I have and that will respect and even appreciate my work ethic? Yes. Will I settle for someone who doesn’t? No.

Today is the second Friday Q&A and I am so excited with the response! Just a refresher: I have added an “Ask Lauren” tab to the top of my blog. There, you can ask me any question you want and I will answer it honestly. You can also leave comments or suggestions there as well!

Q from Casi: If you could be any animal in the world what would it be and why?
A: If I could be one animal in the world, I would be a cross between a horse and a panther. I love cats - big cats. I love how stealthy, mysterious and powerful they are. I love cats, also, because their love isn’t necessarily unconditional. They aren’t like dogs in that they love everyone and everything. You have to earn their love, and for that, I respect cats. Plus, panthers are just sexy. Horses are incredibly creatures. They are graceful and loyal and all-around beautiful. They have unique personalities and are loving animals.

Q from Ashley: You have 1 minute to leave your apartment (pretend a flood/fire/quake is happening), what are the three items you will grab to take with you (yes, only three).

A: Easy. My cat. My laptop (that has all my pictures on it), and my journals. It would definitely be hard to leave my shoe collection, but I’d live.

Q from Aubrey: You seem to have been on so many amazing vacations. Which one was your favorite
trip? Why? Also, if you could go anywhere, where do you want to go?

A: Oh man, yes, I’ve been travelling all over the place. I don’t know if I could actually pick a favorite vacation because they were all so different! Jamaica was incredible. The warm weather, the sunshine, the beach, the utter relaxation - can’t beat it. It was especially great because I completely unplugged. I didn’t have a phone or use a computer or work at all. It was true relaxation. Plus, I met some great people Arizona was also great even though it was a short trip. It’s always nice to spend time with family! And Vegas? Vegas is Vegas, baby. It was a blast! I’ve always wanted to backpack through western Europe. I’ve never been to Europe and the culture just fascinates me. I’d love to find time to explore the countries in western Europe. It would definitely be an adventure. When do you wanna go?

Q from Wendy: Dear Lauren, I have a girlfriend that I thought I was quite close to, I really love her and appreciate her friendship. We live in different states and over the years seem to have grown apart. It seems that during the past several years, I have made the most effort and she has made very little. I want her in my life, but how do I tell her that she needs to work a bit harder at this friendship? Is her effort indicative of her level of commitment to this friendship or am I just being too sensitive?

A: I can totally relate. I’ve dealt with this a bit since I moved out to San Francisco. Distance is quite the obstacle to overcome when you’re trying to maintain a relationship. So, let me start with this: All relationships, whether friendships or otherwise, are two-way streets. It’s important in order to maintain a healthy relationship that both parties are participating in keeping the friendship alive equally. Once one person begins to feel as though they’re “making more effort” it turns into resentment. If she is one of your close friends, you should be able to talk to her about your concerns. Communication is key in maintaining relationships, especially if they’re long-distance. Communication is really all you’ve got. So, I would bring it up to her. Voice your concerns. Give examples. Say that you do love her and that you do want her in your life but that it has to be a mutual effort, as it does in all relationships. See how she reacts. You’re definitely not being too sensitive. If this is how you feel, act on it. Speak your mind. Otherwise, nothing will get resolved. Chances are, she doesn’t even notice! So point it out! But if it does have something to do with the level of her commitment to the friendship, it’s always better to find out through honesty. One of the biggest challenges I’ve faced moving out to San Francisco is learning who my true friends are. Some people who I thought I was really close with, I turned out to grow apart from. And that’s ok - people change, people grow, and the important people grow with you even if you’re growing in different directions. Hope that helps!

I’m looking forward to next week’s questions! Ask away!