I spent the past three days in Colorado. I had purchased a discounted ticket a few months back with some coworkers with the intent of spending the weekend on the slopes showing them around my precious Rocky Mountains. As the trip approached, I had to make a decision: show my coworkers from San Francisco around the mountains, or spend time with family and friends in Denver. I opted to spend the weekend catching up with family and friends.

It was an amazing weekend. Spectacular.

I spent Friday night sitting around my Bubbie’s kitchen table reenacting plays she had written in the 70s. She hasn’t been feeling well for a while and isn’t very talkative. But to see her, smiling, laughing, singing made up songs that she wrote 40 years ago, literally brought tears to my eyes. It was in incredible experience – memories and moments that will last forever.

I spent Saturday at my best friend’s baby shower. This was super weird and incredible at the same time. First of all, I can’t believe that my best friend is having a baby. That I’m going to be “Auntie Lo.” That she is so incredibly blessed with an incredible husband and soon will be even more blessed with a beautiful baby girl. But I really can’t believe that I’m not in Colorado, with her, to go through all of this by her side. It’s heart wrenching.

My mom came to the baby shower with me - we spent a lot of time together this weekend. She just moved into a brand new apartment and I finally got to see it. In fact, it inspired me to do a little decorating myself. She works from home and on the days that I was in Colorado and had to work, we were able to work together. It’s always good to spend time with her, and we never get enough of it.

Saturday night was spent downtown Denver with 8 of my closest friends. Friends that I’ve known since I was two, and friends that I met in college, friends that I’ve grown close to over the years. It was a teary reunion, although it didn’t feel like we skipped a beat. I love that feeling – when you pick up exactly where you left off. That’s true friendship.

Sunday I spent the day with my stepmom. This time was amazing. We haven’t been able to really spend a lot of time together just the two of us. I miss the girl talks we’d always have. I’m so fortunate to have a stepmom as incredible as mine – that doesn’t happen all the time. We can talk about anything and everything, and we did.

Monday I was able to spend time with my GaGa and Pa. Although it was a short breakfast, I’m glad we were able to spend time together. My GaGa is the one who brought me to San Francisco on vacation two years ago and helped me fall in love with the city. It’s really because of that trip that I’m even here, so being able to catch up with her was amazing. My Pa just had one of his plays put on in Denver. I’m very proud of the work he’s done and what a talented writer he is (must be where I get it from:)).

My trip to Colorado outdid all my expectations. It was incredible to go back and visit everything I left behind in such a rush. The timing is very interesting as well. Just as I really settled in in San Francisco, just as I started making real, true friends, just as I continue to love my job more and more each day – I go back. I left San Francisco saying, “I’m not going home, home is in San Francisco now!” And now I’m leaving Colorado saying, “I’m homesick and I haven’t even left Colorado yet.”

I miss it. I miss the smell of my mom’s house. I miss my yellow room. I miss my Dusty. I miss cuddling with my dad before bed. I miss the adventure of living in Boulder. I miss my college roommate. I miss the girls nights – eating Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream, watching episodes of Chris Rock, on our floor. I miss my best friend. I miss getting handed a bottle of vodka while stuck in traffic on I-25 and dancing to the Casper Slide in the car on the way to the club. I miss the color-coded lists of boyfriends. I miss driving. I miss the snow (kind of). I miss the comfort of knowing that everyone I love, everyone I’m close to, is right here.

But things change. People grow. My mom sold our childhood house and moved into a swanky little apartment downtown. My best friend’s mom did the same. My dog passed away about a month ago – now my dad’s house feel empty. My best friend is married and having a baby in two months. My college roommate and I have sadly lost touch. All of this, in the last eight months that I’ve been in San Francisco. And I missed it all. While I was doing my own growing. In my new home.

So what happens when your heart is in two places you call home? What I have to remember is that it’s ok to get homesick (for whichever home that may be). It’s ok to feel nostalgic. And it’s ok to miss the ones I love. Moving to San Francisco was the best choice I’ve ever made. I made it for me. My life has been a fairy tale and I haven’t really had a chance to sit and breathe – think about the past eight months and reflect. This trip to Colorado forced me to.

I have two homes now. So what? I have a big heart. There’s plenty to go around…

As many of you know, it was my Birthday last week. It wasn’t a big Birthday or anything (although gifts are still being accepted), but, like every Birthday, I took a step back and thought about the past year. And about getting older in general. I know, I know, I’m young, I have my whole life ahead of me. But with every year that goes by, I notice all the changes.

I notice that my “little” brother is in his second semester of his Freshman year in college. I can’t believe he’s growing up so fast. He’s actually asking me for advice on apartments for next year. That makes me feel old.

I notice that my parents are getting older (however, they both act extremely young). But now they’re both at least 50-years-old. I looked at some old family photos – it’s amazing how we’ve all changed.

I notice that my grandparents are getting older. They’ve always been “young at heart” and they always will be, but as the years go by, I notice the little things.

My friends are getting married/having babies. And it’s actually acceptable. We’re not “too young” anymore. That’s crazy to me.

I notice a lot of things about myself. Like how I’ve settled down a bit (except for my trip to Vegas last weekend…) and I don’t “party-hardy” as much as I probably should (and will try to do more of from here on out). I have a real job – one that I wake up and go to every day and walk home from every night. It’s not quite a “nine-to-five” but it’s close enough.

A former classmate (who is a year younger than me) told me the other day that he was going to be in San Francisco over the summer. I was, of course, excited to have someone that I know out here for a bit. He said, “So, I’m going to be in San Francisco for the summer, are you still going to be out there?” I paused, then replied, “Uh, yeah. I live here.” This isn’t a semester-long internship like I had in college. This isn’t a temporary situation. I live here. And sometimes I wake up in the morning and look around me and still can’t believe I’m here. And I’ve been here for over six months.

It’s incredible how fast the time flies. And sometimes, I like to just take a minute and stop – take a look at the life I’m living. How I got here. How to get to where I want to go.

In related news, my Birthday celebration was incredible. My dad flew out to San Francisco on my Birthday and took me and a couple girls out to dinner. He was the “pimp daddy” surrounded by four young, beautiful women. ☺ Dad stayed until Friday, then he left for Denver and I left to meet my mom in Las Vegas. Oh man. I love Vegas. In fact, I’m still recovering from sleep deprivation, intense alcoholic dehydration, and pole-dancing injuries. Don’t ask. I won’t tell. But I can tell you that I have a newfound respect for the physical strength of strippers.

All in all, Birthday success.

Vi.sualize.us Photo Credit

Every year at this time, I always take a step back from my hectic, crazy life and think about all of the things that I am thankful for. I’m sure I’m not the only one who does this, but it’s almost therapeutic for me. I get to focus on all of the positive things in my life and give them the recognition and thanks they deserve. You should try it if you haven’t already

I am thankful for my family. They have been there for me throughout all the good times and the bad. They have been my strength and encouragement through all of the big decisions I have made throughout my whole life. I don’t know where I’d be or who I’d be without you and your support.

I am thankful for my friends. My new ones and my old ones. There has been a distinct strain on the relationships I had in Colorado when I moved to San Francisco. While it has been hard maintaining some of these friendships, it makes me that much more grateful for the friendships that have outlasted and will withstand anything. I am so grateful for the new friendships that are developing (slowly but surely) here in San Francisco. I sincerely look forward to all they will bring me throughout the rest of my life.

I am thankful for my job. I’ve said it before, but I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have landed this dream job that allowed me to move to my dream city without any real hardships. It is an amazing feeling to wake up every morning loving to go to work.

I’m thankful for my health and my happiness and all of the amazing opportunities that I have been given.

This Thanksgiving is going to be hard for me. I won’t be home for the first time, ever. I won’t spend Thanksgiving around the table with my family. I won’t be sharing stories of the past couple months and reminiscing on last year’s holiday season. I won’t sleep in my bed at home, under the roof of my family home. I won’t go shopping at 4 a.m. with my mom on Black Friday.

I am going to try my very best to create a new Thanksgiving memory for myself here in San Francisco. But being away from home during this holiday has heightened my gratefulness. Instead of just taking Thanksgiving with my family for granted, I truly appreciate and remember the times I have spent with my family and friends throughout the holidays. Now, I will start building my own traditions here. And I can’t wait for year because you bet your bottom dollar I’ll be spending it with my family.

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?

So, I just went through an interesting experience. One that I’ve been through before, but this time was a little different. The guy from my Chivalry Lives! post has officially told me he “just wants to be friends.” Not gonna lie, I saw it coming – he went to Chicago to visit a “good friend” of his and took three days to call me after he returned.

Not a huge deal, as we’ve only been seeing each other for about a month and I’m moving in August. But still caused me to think a little bit.

I’ve heard it before – “Let’s just be friends.” It’s a classic “I’m not really into you,” or “I met someone else” line. However, this time was a little different.

He meant it.

He went on and on about how he has so much going on in his life (blah blah) and how he’s under a lot of pressure (blah blah) but that he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend. 

I said I understood, and he needs to do what’s best for him, but that I’m not sure we can “just be friends.” (My dad always says, “You can never have too many friends, Lauren.” But this is a little different.)

You see, I’m somewhat of a believer that it is very difficult for a guy and a girl to “just be friends.” Especially after they’ve already been seriously more than friends. I rarely talk to my exes because there will always be some emotional tie between us. We’ve shared ourselves with that person in ways that we don’t normally share with our friends. It’s nearly impossible to break that tie, and you definitely can’t just forget it ever happened.

Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of guy friends. But, they’re my friends now because we’ve “been there, tried that” and it didn’t work. Blame the sexual tension that inevitably exists between men and women. And you’ve also got the jealousy factor.

I probably couldn’t count the number of times I see relationships end (or at least turn into a fight) because of jealousy of a “friend” whether it’s the guy’s friend or the girl’s. Many times, it’s difficult to distinguish friendship from something more between a man and a woman. And more times than not, someone in the “friendship” always wants more.

Do I think it can be done? Yes. Is it very tricky? Absoultely.

Women and men can be just friends if:

• They don’t go out late at night often. Nighttime is breeding ground for sexuality and, especially if alcohol is involved, is generally bound to transform into something “more than friends-ish.”

• They have lunch instead of dinner. Lunch is pretty much a safe bet. It’s in the middle of the day, most of the time you have to get back to work, and there’s not the “we’re on a date” feel.

• They touch minimally. Even hugs these days can be deemed inappropriate behavior. Touching can send different messages – sometimes messages that you don’t want to send. As Phil Vassar says in “I’ll Take That As a Yes,”) – A little hug leads to a foot rub/Then a hot tub/Then a french kiss on a bear rug…

• They don’t share many secrets. Secrets create emotional bonds. Once emotional bonds are formed, they’re difficult to break. It’s best to keep your secrets to your same-sex friends or your significant other.

So, yes, it’s possible to be “just friends,” but not probable.

This guy didn’t quite get it. I asked him, “Do you think you could be around me and not kiss me, not cuddle with me, not hold my hand?” He said, “No, probably not. But why can’t we do all that and just be friends?”

In my book, you can’t have it both ways. C’est la vie. 

It’s amazing how it seems four years of your life turn into two ceremonies, a party and one piece of paper.

Is this what it really means to graduate?

No. Graduation means so much more. It means that you endured four years of classes, papers, exams and presentations. It means you survived late nights, early mornings, parties, fights, friendships, losing friendships, relationships. But most importantly, graduation means you accomplished an incredible feat.

Now, I may be speaking just for myself here, but I’ve grown so much in the past four years. I have learned who in my life is a true friend and who is not. I have eliminated unhealthy relationships. I have established personal standards when it comes to developing new, healthy relationships. I have grown more confident in everything I do. I have strengthened my work ethic. I have learned what it feels like to be in a high leadership role. I have gained experience dealing with all kinds of people. These past for years do not just culminate in one little piece of paper to me.

The friendships I have made in college will outlast time. At several of the graduation barbeques I attended this past weekend, the ambiance was not as celebratory as I had expected. Most of these friends were sad to be leaving this stage in their lives. Don’t get me wrong, I cried too. But I can honestly say I have never received so many bear hugs in one weekend.

Yes, the world is changing around us graduates. Yes, we are thrown out into the “real world” (whatever that is) now. But we will always have each other. No matter where we are scattered around the United States and abroad, we will always have each other and the memories we made.

The knowledge I have gained from my classes will help me in the workforce. I’ll be honest; some of the classes I took were a total waste of time. But the ones that weren’t made up for it. My professor, Jan Whitt, opened my eyes to Women and Popular Culture. Trager, of course, taught me the ins and outs of First Amendment Law. And Amy Herdy, well, Amy taught me more than I can put into words.

I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to go to college.

Now it’s time to take my life into my own hands and turn my dreams into realities. I know it sounds cliché, but I wholeheartedly believe that anything is possible. I am young. I am able. And I am more than willing to reach for the stars.

I had the privilege of going to college, and I chose to succeed

No matter what the “rate of unemployment” is, I will find a great job. As Milton Berle once said, “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”

So, I’ll build my own door, and then I’ll come-a-knockin’.