We’ve all been there. And we’ve been on both sides of it. Why do people ask questions they really don’t want to know the answer to? And how do you answer questions you don’t necessarily want the other person to know the answer to?
This is a timeless issue that people of all ages have dealt with in the past and more likely than not, will deal with in the future – the stupid questions that you have to ask but you really don’t want to know the answer to.
Here are a couple of questions that people ask all the time without really wanting to know the answer to:
Question: Do I look fat in this?
Oh, this is a classic girl question. Does my ass look fat in these jeans? Does this dress make me look like a cow? Blah blah blah. Us girls don’t want to know what you really think about the jeans or the dress – we want to know you think we’re beautiful no matter what we’re wearing. It’s a shameless little confidence boost. Do not think, for one second, we truly want you to tell us whether we look fat or not.
Answer: No, baby. You always look beautiful.
Or just, “no.” No matter what, even if the jeans are six sizes too small, never, ever tell a girl she looks fat. She will A) never dress up for you again, B) never ask for your opinion again and C) will, not so kindly, let you know you’re definitely sleeping on the couch tonight.
Question: How many people have you slept with?
Really? So you’re with your new boyfriend or girlfriend and they’re curious. But, they don’t really want to know how many people you’ve slept with. They just want to know that they are the best person you’ve slept with. Unless, of course, they’re asking for health reasons (which can be asked in the form of “have you been tested”) they don’t really want to know the number of sexual partners you’ve had.
Answer: It doesn’t matter, I’m with you now, and that’s exactly where I want to be.
Or some variation of, “Who cares how many people I’ve been with, I’m with you now and that’s all that matters to me. That’s really what they’re asking. They don’t want to know if you’ve been with three people or 36 people. They just want to know that the only thing that matters to you is being with them.
Question: If you could change anything about me, what would it be?
Ugh. This question always makes me cringe. There is no humanly possible way for someone to be perfect. There are always little things people want to change. But where do you draw the line? Do you say you’d change nothing and be lying? Or do you say you’d change something physical? Or something emotional? Who knows. This one’s tricky.
Answer: What you’re thinking, “you’re a little high strung” What you say, “I think you deserve to kick back and relax more.”
I know it sounds a little tacky, and that you may not really be answering the question, but everyone wants to believe they are perfect in other people’s eyes. And they definitely don’t want you to point out any specific flaws. So twist it. Twist the flaw into something positive – something they can improve upon, not that they’re afflicted with.
Question: If you could date one of my friends, who would it be?
AH! What a terrible question! That’s just asking for trouble and no one really wants to know the answer. If you actually rattle off the name of one of your significant partner’s friends, you’re definitely in the doghouse. You must tread lightly. If you do give the name of one of their friends, think about this – now, your significant partner is going to watch you and their friend like a hawk to make sure there isn’t any “connection,” your partner isn’t going to trust you and will probably end up accusing you of cheating on them with that friend at some point in the remainder of your relationship. That may seem like an overgeneralization, but it will be at the very least, awkward, every time you two hang out with that friend.
Answer: I wouldn’t date any of your friends, I’m with you.
Unless you want serious trouble, just say no. Just say that if you wanted to date one of their friends, you would be. But you’re not. You’re with them.
There are many questions out there that people ask but don’t really want to know the answer to. If you’re on the asking end, ask yourself this, “Why are you really asking this question? Is it a personal insecurity issue? Are there other ways to achieve the reassurance you need?”
If you’re on the answering end, just pause and think, “Why are they really asking this question and how can you answer it wisely while still being honest?”
Regardless of the side of the question you’re on – just think. Do you really wanna know? Do they really wanna know?
The answer is: Probably not.
