This film cracked me up. The short, witty one-liners were definitely a highlight. However, it was the concept of the film that really got me thinking. The movie is about a man who is getting married and is in search of a best man for his wedding. He goes on several “man-dates” in order to seek out the best fit for the position. He has no friends. According to his brother, he has always been a “girlfriend guy” where he bounces from relationship to relationship and leaves his friends in the dust, thus, leaving him with no friends whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong, I know this is just a movie, but movies can sometimes dictate real life. Let me break it down for you.

Here’s what I find interesting.

Maybe this is just coming from a female perspective, but it is girls who always seem to push their friends away when they get a boyfriend. I’m not being sexist here; this is just my observation and personal experience. Usually it’s the guy in the relationship who insists on having boy’s nights and not being taken away from his friends and it is the girl who is vying for every second of her boyfriend’s free time no matter what.

So, I appreciate the gender role reversal.

But is it realistic? Are there really guys out there that are so concerned with their girlfriend that they push away their guy friends? Or vice versa. Is that really a healthy relationship?

I know I’m far from perfect and even farther from an expert when it comes to relationships, and I am sure that I have pushed away a friend or six, but I believe there are three parts to a healthy, successful relationship.

You, me and us.

There has to be a separate you and a separate me in order for there to be a healthy us.  In other words, you don’t let another person or a relationship define who you are.  We’ve all heard the names “Brangelina” and “Bennifer.”  Those celebrity couples are prime examples of what happens when you let yourself become defined by the relationship you’re in; you lose your own identity. 

It is important to maintain your individuality and your own life in order to participate in a healthy relationship.

It all begins when you start to lean on your significant other.  When you begin to depend on them for certain things then you slowly lose a part of yourself.  Let’s separate these leaning points into three categories; financially, emotionally and physically. Remember, this is coming from a female perspective – not entirely objective.

Financially

Yes, it is considered chivalrous for a male to pay when taking a woman out on a date.  And I am not disagreeing with that.  However, once in a relationship, it’s important to let your boyfriend know that you can survive without him.  You may or may not work, but either way, you have to show that you have some source of income and that you’re independent enough to be able to at least pay for yourself if not for the both of you.  If you begin depending on him for money, food, or anything else that money can buy, then you’re giving up some of your independence.

It’s important to let your boyfriend know that you can hold your own; you are capable of taking care of yourself.  That way, it will never feel like it’s a chore taking care of you.  If he knows that you can do it yourself, then he feels as if he’s being thoughtful paying for you or doing other things to take care of you.

Emotionally

Men have this innate ability to grab a hold on a woman’s heart and allow her to think of nothing else but him.  He finds a way to make it so that your only goal is to figure him out; uncover what he really wants and what his intentions are.  Then, suddenly, it’s you and your girlfriends analyzing every word, every text message, every touch, every look, etc.  It slowly begins to consume you and eventually your happiness begins to depend on the way he is treating you.  If he calls, then it’s a good day, if he doesn’t, then you spend the day waiting for him to call and wondering what you did wrong in order for him to not call.  This wondering only leads to you calling him and then you begin the whole circle over again.

Bottom line: A man should never, ever determine your happiness.  You are in control of your own happiness; your own emotions.  Keep it that way.

Physically

A man may be stronger than you but that doesn’t mean you’re less capable.  You are just as capable.  It is a common misconception that women are weaker than men and therefore are frail and submissive.  However, it’s quite the contrary.  Women are perfectly capable of standing up and defending themselves, but they struggle with the idea because of the common conception that men are stronger and are undefeatable.  They are not.  In fact, they will respect you even more once they know that you know what you stand for and are willing to defend it.

As for physical contact. Yes, it is always nice to have someone to hold you, touch you, kiss you – but it is not vital to your survival. You are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, sleeping alone and still being happy and content. You do not need him. Do not lean on your partner for physical comfort, trust me, you ultimately will not get what you are truly looking for.

In a healthy relationship, there has to be you, me and us. Without an independently healthy you and me, there will not be a combined healthy us. Your personal identity and individualism is more important than your relationship – and you’d be surprised at how much happier you are in a relationship when you are happy with yourself.

While I Love You, Man is only a film, I feel it depicts real life relationship issues and it brings to the forefront the importance of friendship. If you’re going to be in a relationship, make it a healthy one. Yes, healthy relationships are wonderful (and few and far between), marriages (not speaking from personal experience) are wonderful; however, friends will outlast the true test of time. 

Here’s a link to the trailer if you’re curious. It’s pretty funny.