I spent the past three days in Colorado. I had purchased a discounted ticket a few months back with some coworkers with the intent of spending the weekend on the slopes showing them around my precious Rocky Mountains. As the trip approached, I had to make a decision: show my coworkers from San Francisco around the mountains, or spend time with family and friends in Denver. I opted to spend the weekend catching up with family and friends.
It was an amazing weekend. Spectacular.
I spent Friday night sitting around my Bubbie’s kitchen table reenacting plays she had written in the 70s. She hasn’t been feeling well for a while and isn’t very talkative. But to see her, smiling, laughing, singing made up songs that she wrote 40 years ago, literally brought tears to my eyes. It was in incredible experience – memories and moments that will last forever.
I spent Saturday at my best friend’s baby shower. This was super weird and incredible at the same time. First of all, I can’t believe that my best friend is having a baby. That I’m going to be “Auntie Lo.” That she is so incredibly blessed with an incredible husband and soon will be even more blessed with a beautiful baby girl. But I really can’t believe that I’m not in Colorado, with her, to go through all of this by her side. It’s heart wrenching.
My mom came to the baby shower with me – we spent a lot of time together this weekend. She just moved into a brand new apartment and I finally got to see it. In fact, it inspired me to do a little decorating myself. She works from home and on the days that I was in Colorado and had to work, we were able to work together. It’s always good to spend time with her, and we never get enough of it.
Saturday night was spent downtown Denver with 8 of my closest friends. Friends that I’ve known since I was two, and friends that I met in college, friends that I’ve grown close to over the years. It was a teary reunion, although it didn’t feel like we skipped a beat. I love that feeling – when you pick up exactly where you left off. That’s true friendship.
Sunday I spent the day with my stepmom. This time was amazing. We haven’t been able to really spend a lot of time together just the two of us. I miss the girl talks we’d always have. I’m so fortunate to have a stepmom as incredible as mine – that doesn’t happen all the time. We can talk about anything and everything, and we did.
Monday I was able to spend time with my GaGa and Pa. Although it was a short breakfast, I’m glad we were able to spend time together. My GaGa is the one who brought me to San Francisco on vacation two years ago and helped me fall in love with the city. It’s really because of that trip that I’m even here, so being able to catch up with her was amazing. My Pa just had one of his plays put on in Denver. I’m very proud of the work he’s done and what a talented writer he is (must be where I get it from:)).
My trip to Colorado outdid all my expectations. It was incredible to go back and visit everything I left behind in such a rush. The timing is very interesting as well. Just as I really settled in in San Francisco, just as I started making real, true friends, just as I continue to love my job more and more each day – I go back. I left San Francisco saying, “I’m not going home, home is in San Francisco now!” And now I’m leaving Colorado saying, “I’m homesick and I haven’t even left Colorado yet.”
I miss it. I miss the smell of my mom’s house. I miss my yellow room. I miss my Dusty. I miss cuddling with my dad before bed. I miss the adventure of living in Boulder. I miss my college roommate. I miss the girls nights – eating Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream, watching episodes of Chris Rock, on our floor. I miss my best friend. I miss getting handed a bottle of vodka while stuck in traffic on I-25 and dancing to the Casper Slide in the car on the way to the club. I miss the color-coded lists of boyfriends. I miss driving. I miss the snow (kind of). I miss the comfort of knowing that everyone I love, everyone I’m close to, is right here.
But things change. People grow. My mom sold our childhood house and moved into a swanky little apartment downtown. My best friend’s mom did the same. My dog passed away about a month ago – now my dad’s house feel empty. My best friend is married and having a baby in two months. My college roommate and I have sadly lost touch. All of this, in the last eight months that I’ve been in San Francisco. And I missed it all. While I was doing my own growing. In my new home.
So what happens when your heart is in two places you call home? What I have to remember is that it’s ok to get homesick (for whichever home that may be). It’s ok to feel nostalgic. And it’s ok to miss the ones I love. Moving to San Francisco was the best choice I’ve ever made. I made it for me. My life has been a fairy tale and I haven’t really had a chance to sit and breathe – think about the past eight months and reflect. This trip to Colorado forced me to.
I have two homes now. So what? I have a big heart. There’s plenty to go around…
Colorado will always be “home” to you, just like Dayton will always be “home” to me. It’s where we grew up and where everything we are truly familiar is, even though most of it is most likely different now. But all of that can’t, shouldn’t and doesn’t prevent us from creating our own home, right here and now. Like you said, people grow.
Hi Lauren! I found your post from a RT by Jeremy Orr. The title caught my attention because I just wrote a post about home. I wrote about how home truly is where the heart is, and that wherever my family is , that’s home to me. I know where you’re coming from because I moved from Massachusetts to New York in high school, and it was (and still is) hard to call New York home. It sounds like you had an amazing weekend with your friends and family, and you made some great memories. You’re right that it’s okay to get homesick and miss your loved ones. It’s okay to have two places you call home, you just have to learn to spread the love.
Wow. Other than cuddling with my dad, so much of what you wrote is mirrored with how I feel about Florida. You really hit the nail on the head.
You’re not alone and the adventures you’re having here only make the bonds you share back home even stronger.
I will never try to make San Francisco my home and force / shape it into being a home. San Francisco is a stop on the adventure of life and I’ll always have a home back in Florida.
Cool post! I also have two places right now. The place closer to my office and friends, and the place with my family. my place near the office, me and my friends hang out, while the other place is where i grew up.
Still, I consider my home where my family is. The other place near the office is my “home away from home”.
That’s the joy of going to different places. You get to see different lifestyle and culture. You get fascinated and you make new friends.
There are a lot of place to go and fall in love with. Better make room for more 🙂
I think it’s sad you found your father’s home to “feel empty” because of the loss of his dog. I believe our pets are members of our family and when they go, there is certainly a void. However, its a void that should be filled by the love and activities of your dad and step mom, and any siblings you may have left behind. It’s too bad they haven’t filled that void with their love for each other and their lives. Maybe the house feels empty, and is empty, because you aren’t there anymore.