My step-mom sent me this email:
Subject Line: Blame
How the world works lately…
If a man cuts his finger off while
Slicing salami at work,
He blames the restaurant
If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
Your family blames the
Tobacco company.
If your neighbour crashes
Into a tree while driving home drunk,
He blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are
Brats without manners,
You blame television.
If your friend is shot by a
Deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer..
And if a crazed person breaks
Into the cockpit and
Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
And the passengers
Kill him instead,
The mother of the crazed deceased
Blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to
Understand the world
As it is anymore.
So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS
is parked in front of this COMPUTER,
I want all of you to blame Bill Gates.
Last paragraph aside, this actually made me think a bit. It’s true. If any action anyone takes doesn’t turn out how it was planned, the blame gets placed on something or someone else. “Well, it was their idea, “the tool malfunctioned,” “it was a Facebook bug,” “that man was an asshole.”
Whatever happened to holding yourself accountable?
Whatever happened to taking pride in your work? To owning it. The good and the bad.
We don’t always have the best ideas. And sometimes, when we test them out, they fall flat. But instead of picking ourselves up and learning from the mistakes we made, we blame something else. It wasn’t our idea that didn’t work. No, it couldn’t possibly be my mistake.
I’ve been interviewing a lot of candidates for a role on my Community Engagement team. One of the top questions these candidates ask (and good for them!) is, “How would you describe your management style.”
I rely on my team to be self-accountable. They know what they need to do, and if they don’t they ask. Then, I hold them to doing it on their own. I help, of course, but they are responsible for accomplishing their own goals. I enable. I empower. But it is up to them to be successful. And they are. If they’re not, if they make a mistake, we talk about it, learn from it, and move on.
I hold myself accountable for just as much — my actions and choices, my responsibilities, and my goals. It’s up to me to achieve them. I’ll lean on others for advice or encouragement, but ultimately, I am responsible — accountable — for myself.
It’s all about choices. If you choose to smoke three packs a day, it’s no one’s fault but your own if you die from lung cancer. If your grandchildren are brats with no manners, do something about it. And if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this COMPUTER, it’s because I wasn’t out living, not because of Bill Gates (or Steve Jobs, thanks DAD).
First, I find it amusing that someone preparing a blog post about accountability, on a MacBook Pro, is blaming Bill Gates for her wrinkled ass being parked in front of the computer. Now that is dedication to the memory of Steve Jobs.
As for the topic itself, it seems to me this is a societal problem. We seem to live in a society where we often don’t have to be accountable. Instead, we just have expectations that others (i.e. individuals, organizations, government entities) are going to take care of us or clean up our mess. We choose not be accountable for paying our mortgage so the government swoops in and forgives our debt, we spend our pay check on drugs and alcohol and the government gives us food stamps. The list is endless.
I agree we should be accountable. But this is only true if we are held accountable, or we just want to be better people and have strong character. Your staff holds themselves accountable only because you hold them accountable. It appears the rest of the world is not like that right now, and its a shame.
Achem. I made a small edit. 🙂
I couldn’t agree more that this is a societal problem. And you said it perfectly — the chances of someone holding themselves accountable are slim (unfortunately), so it’s up to the people who do value accountability to hold others around them accountable. Then, just maybe, there will be a domino affect. Then again, that’s wishful thinking 🙂
Awesome post!
In this day and age it would seem that our generation’s lack of self-accountability is directly linked to an increase in self-worth. We are apart of a generation that thrives on positive reinforcement. As children our failures were celebrated as much as our victories. I remember when my youth soccer team made it to the City Cup, and failed miserably in the competition. I mean, we got creamed. I don’t think we even made it into the second round of playoffs. Instead of allowing us to use our defeat as a catalyst for change the City awarded every losing team a “Participation Trophy.” We were awarded for failing, to keep our precious, little egos from being bruised. Gone are the days of 1st through 3rd place. Now everyone gets a trophy regardless of how terrible they may be. Criticism is something we’re simply not equipped to deal with. Our ego’s have gotten to large to account for any failure on our part.
Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) this is not the way real life works. We are equally accountable for our failures, just as we are for our victories. To use a cliche: As babies we don’t learn to walk on the first try. It takes falling on our face over-and-over again before we finally learn how to walk upright. If our parents awarded us every time we fell down why would we ever want to stop crawling? We must be allowed to recognize our failures if we ever want to change for the better.
That being said, when you get home and realize the small mixing dish you love so much is nowhere to be found, I didn’t break it — the slippery soap/water mixture did.
Glad you liked the post, and you’re totally right. The “reward” system is not really what it should be. Also, I can’t believe you broke my favorite dish. 🙂
I agree with your dad’s comment. There is a societal reliance on regulatory bodies to do their jobs, to tell us what we can/cannot eat, to tell us HOW to parent, to tell us which movies are/are not appropriate. So when things go wrong, people automatically blame whoever was supposedly in charge.
You sound like the kind of boss I’d want to work for. 🙂 Lucky team!
Yeah, he’s a pretty smart guy. I’m a lucky daughter! And I completely agree. We’ve lost the ability or passion or drive to make our own decisions and therefore we dont hold ourselves accountable for when things go wrong (but when they go right, that seems to shift!). Thanks for the comment and the compliment! 🙂
LOVE love love this post and discussion. I have had this discussion several times and it frustrates me that people prefer to blame others than own the situation themselves. Did you hurt someones feelings? Own that and say you’re sorry. Did you not pay your rent? Don’t blame the president for the taxes or high unemployment rate, get a second job. Did you fail the exam? Don’t blame your teacher, study harder. Many people just have expectation that it isn’t their problem – out of sight out of mind – that someone else is going to clean up their mess. I think this also relates to the idea of the entitled generation, people believe things should be given to them and not worked for. It is a shame and it is really hurting us as a society.
P.s. I love Gabe’s FYI about the mixing dish. too cute.
I’m enjoying the discussion as well! If frustrates me, too — I guess I was very lucky to be raised with accountability. If I wanted a car, I had to get a job. If I didn’t have money for gas, I didn’t have money for gas. If I missed an assignment, it wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own. Those values have been instilled in me and I just wish all parents would do the same with their children!
I can’t believe that soapy water broke my dish. How rude. 🙂
Lauren,
Great post! As you well know from previous conversations we have had, I am so on board with you. We have become an entitlement society and therefore too many individuals do only what is required rather than striving for their “personal best”. It has become a “blame game” society. It has become much easier to “pass the buck” This kind of mentality is self-destructive.
As always, we are very proud of you and admire you for all of your achievements.
P. S. I didn’t use caps!
You’re so right! I’m very lucky that I was raised to always be the best I can be and if I’m not, I have no one to blame but myself. And you’re right, the “pass the buck” mentality is definitely self-destructive. Thanks for the comment and I’m so proud you didn’t use caps! 🙂
Society as a whole rewards stupidity — look at what juries award people — the senior citizen who burned her crotch with hot coffee; the buglar who got stuck in a garage for several days and was rewarded with a big cash settlement because the garage owner didn’t have an exit he could use — what nonsense! What would be wrong with saying that the senior citizen should know enough to not put the styroform cup between her legs and drive away; and the buglar accepting responsibility for being in the garage in the first place. Good blog on your part!
Couldn’t agree more. That burglar incident? SO STUPID. Thanks for the comment!
I think this means that I should really start working out again and stop blaming my busy job about it!! Truth. Great post! This reminder was well-needed today (and not just in terms of hitting the gym) 🙂