The questions keep getting better and better! Ask your questions for next Friday under the Ask Lauren tab!
Q from Ryan: I’ve been pondering/struggling with this question for some time now and figured I’d ask you as you seem good at thinking things through and giving advice. A friend of mine who graduated college a couple years ago told me the worst mistake he made in college was asking girls out on formal dates. Do you ever hear the phrase, “I just want to have fun, it’s college!” from someone you have been seeing for a bit and want to start a relationship with? Because that’s all I ever hear. It seems like the furthest thing on a college girl’s mind is a steady relationship. I just want to find a girl that would be fine with staying in on some Friday or Saturday nights, cuddling on the couch, watching a movie and maybe even throw in a bottle of wine or something. Every girl I start to talk to and “date” with seems to want the intimate parts of the relationship without any commitment. I heard the song “Friends, Lovers or Nothing” by John Mayer the other day and it summed up my situation perfectly. You are either friends, lovers or nothing. There can be no in between without hurt feelings, right? Out of those three options I always end up nothing. I don’t do “friends with benefits.” I just don’t. Too many hurt feelings and jealousy occur. So I guess, after that long rant, my question is: are all college girls alike in that they don’t want to be in a relationship or do I just need to keep looking? Where am I going wrong here? Thanks in advance and keep up the good work.
A: First of all, where the heck were you when I was in college? Let me just say that you are beyond the maturity level of the “average” college guy who would actually be thrilled if a girl told him she just wants to have fun, no commitments. I applaud you. You just have to remember, not all girls are alike. It sounds to me like you may just be fishing in the wrong pond. How are you meeting these girls? Class? Parties? How do you approach them? Casually? I agree with you when it comes to it being challenging to not get hurt when you’re in an “in-between” stage. From experience, that “in-between” stage is never mutual. Someone is always wanting more, and in my case, it was always me. Then there comes a point when you realize that the other person is never going to give you more, so you painfully move on. Some people can handle “friends with benefits.” I am not one of them, and it doesn’t sound like you are either. And that’s ok! Here’s the difference: we know what we want. We know what we deserve and what we are willing to compromise. And, like my last blog post exclaimed, DON’T SETTLE! College is tough because people are looking for very different things. And, unfortunately, you’re finding that girls are wanting to take advantage of their freedom and craziness before they’re wanting to settle down in a comfortable relationship. Once you start connecting with people of the same maturity level as you, you’ll score big time. See, they call people like us “hopeless romantics,” although, I don’t believe we are hopeless. In fact, I believe just the opposite. One day, maybe not today or tomorrow, we’ll find that person that fits the exact mold we’re looking for. You’ll find the girl that will want to stay in on some Friday nights cuddling with a bottle of wine. You will. You just have to be patient. And never, ever give up. Hope this helps 🙂
Q from Sarah: Well, I wanted to ask for some advice and words of inspiration on how the heck you managed to move to SF in the midst of this awful economy! I live in LA, and moving to SF has been my dream for years. I’m completely obsessed with the city and cant wait to live there. I am approaching the end of my graduate degree and will begin the SF job hunt soon. So my question is….any advice on the job hunt or finding an affordable apt? How are you liking the city so far? I could use some encouraging words.
A: I know exactly how you feel! As I’m sure you read, I fell in love with San Francisco two summers ago and it was my dream to move out here. After I graduated from college, I was determined to find a job and get myself out here – even if it meant working at a bar or a restaurant part-time to make ends meet. But, I got lucky. Finding my current job was a “right place, right time, right qualifications” kind of situation. It’s definitely not the norm, however, I’ve had other friends in the city find jobs they love as well. There are jobs here, no matter what other people tell you. You just have to be creative. Use the Internet. Look on career sites like LinkedIn, Monster, Indeed, etc. Also, look on sites that appeal to your niche (I’m not sure what you’re interested in doing, but there are job sites/postings for everything). Since this is a downturned economy, there are a lot of people applying for jobs. So, like I said, get creative. What makes you different than the girl next to you applying for the same job? Add some flare to your resume. Be friendly and outgoing in your cover letter. Remain professional, but add creativity and originality in everything you send a potential employer. Use your connections. Who you know can really benefit you. And, never give up. Don’t get discouraged if the first 10, heck the first 15, interviews don’t come to fruition. Keep applying and don’t get discouraged. It’s also incredibly important to follow up (I’m sure you know this). But do so in creative, original ways as well. Use social networks. Make connections. Make yourself heard.
As far as apartments go, there is no such thing as a cheap apartment in San Francisco. Unless, you have lots of roommates. In my case, I’m paying for location because it is important for me to be able to walk to work. There are lots of little districts (I’d be happy to share my insight on those if you’d like) and the outskirts of the city tend to be a little less expensive. Just assume that rent is going to be the biggest bill you have to pay, and then you can budget from there. Craigslist is a great resource.
How am I liking the city so far? Man, I love it more and more each day. It was by far and away the best decision I’ve ever made. Hope I helped! Good luck!
