I’ve said it a million times. “Create your reality.” You are in charge of your life and where it goes. Create your happiness. You are in control of what you do, who you associate yourself with, how hard you you work, what you achieve. You are in control of your life. Your destiny. Except one little part.
I have played an integral role in where I am today. I know that sounds silly, but it’s true. I don’t associate my successes with “luck.” Instead, I associate them as being a result of hard work, man-hours, and pushing forward no matter how hard you’re getting pulled back. Yes, of course, certain opportunities arise at the right place and the right time and I feel lucky to be there in the middle of it. But I choose whether to take it or let it pass me by.
Anyone who knows me knows how hard I work. How hard I work at my job. How hard I work at maintaining my friendships. How hard I work at remaining close with my family. I control what happens in my life. Yes, of course, there are little bumps that throw my lateral movement a little off course, but I always swerve back in the direction I choose.
Lately, I’ve been extra busy. With vacations, conferences, business trips, babies (not mine, my best friend’s), friends, attempting to date, tweetups, new media drinkups, working out, etc. etc. etc. My calendar has literally been off its rocker. And it makes me think.
It makes me think about the future. I just wrote about how fast time is flying by and it scares me. I don’t see my lifestyle changing anytime soon. I don’t see my work ethic diminishing, my desire to keep friendships (new and old) alive weakening, my busy-ness slowing down, anytime soon.
I have a career that I love. I have friends and family that I love. I could not be happier with my life that I have created in San Francisco. Seriously. I feel blessed every single day.
But there’s something missing amidst all the lunches and appointments and overtime. What about a boyfriend? I’m gearing up for a weekend in Colorado where I’m certain I’ll be interrogated about my current dating habits. My response? It’s not a priority in my life right now (Grandma, if you’re reading this, maybe you can save your breath).
And that’s ok, because I’m young right? Because I’m young I don’t need to think about the future and I just need to know that it will just happen? That I’ll just meet someone when it’s right and that’s how it’ll be? I should just be patient and it’ll happen when I least expect it?
Maybe.
But like I said, I’ve controlled everything. And I’m having a bit of a hard time accepting the fact that finding that “special someone” is completely out of my hands.
Please don’t get me wrong – I do not want to get married now. I can barely manage dating right now let alone a boyfriend. I do not want to have children right now. I am in no rush. But I’d like to think that it’s a possibility in the future and something that might actually happen for me.
Something that I’ve learned through the past eight years of dating: relationships are hard. And those weren’t even really “adult” relationships. So now that I’m an “adult” they’re even harder. There are so many things that have to line up in order for a relationship to succeed. And I cannot do anything to control their alignment.
You can’t create a relationship. You have to hope you meet the right person who wants the same things at the right time. You can’t control any of that.
And it seems that all of these factors actually aligning puts you up against insurmountable odds.
I may not be able to control any of that, but I can control the idea of being open to it. I can continue to put myself out there where and when I can and not shut the door on that possibility all together. I can let go of trying to control that aspect and leave something in my life up to fate. I can be grateful (and I am every day) for what I have and what I’ve accomplished. I can believe that one day, maybe not soon, but one day, all my stars will align.
And thanks to Liz, for talking me off the edge. 🙂
As someone who lived in San Francisco for 7 years, let me just say this: San Francisco is a very hard place to date. It is a really easy place to be uncompromising. The smallest things can throw you off track to a good relationship. You’ll have a successful relationship, but it is only when you learn to set some of the drive aside and accept that things aren’t always optimal on the road to love.
It IS a hard place to date. I completely agree with you. And you’re right about how small things throw you off track on the road to a good relationship. It goes back to all the odds against successful relationships these days. You have to muster through them and hope you come out the other side successful and happy. I’m not a very patient person and I like to *know* what’s in my future. I’m working on accepting that sometimes, I just can’t.
You gotta stop writing my blog posts for me. I completely understand and agree. You sound like me writing these things (aside from me seeking out a boyfriend).
All we can hope is that we can look back 10 years from now and know in our hearts that the decisions we made were the right ones.
What? You’re not seeking out a boyfriend? 😛 Well, neither am I. It’s a post of What Ifs and hopefully’s and I’m certain that I’ve made all the right decisions that have gotten me to where I am today. Just makes you think. What if.
So, I heard the same thing as Pyro last night and totally thought of you. I think SF, NYC and L.A are cray crayyyy places to date-and by “date” I mean find someone worth your time for the long haul. There’s just so many OPTIONS and THINGS and DISTRACTIONS and MATERIAL SHIT.
Anyways.
You know how I feel about this. Falling in love is beautiful and magical and gag…it’s also stressful, hard to understand and completely out of our hands. Just don’t write yourself off, saying it will never happen is WRONG and ewww do NOT put that out into the universe! Of course you will find love, you’re SO LOVEABLE. And when it’s right, and when he’s right, it won’t matter how busy you are. OR you’ll bring him to a blogger meet up and he’ll be all “WTF is this?” and you’ll be like “bloggers!” and he’ll be like “ok”
You. Are. Amazing. I totally get what you’re saying and I totally agree. I have to stay positive and create my own positivity (since I clearly have a problem letting go of control). Thanks for always being there, lady.
And my GOD I hope this happens: “you’ll bring him to a blogger meet up and he’ll be all “WTF is this?” and you’ll be like “bloggers!” and he’ll be like “ok””
Oh, and duh, I am here to talk you off the ledge. It’s what we do. I’m sure you’ll have to do it 5x for me today. Love you.
Being a control freak it just one of the traits that comes from being princess high of the land of maintenance. Hahaha I kid I kid.
I think the dating thing will come in time. Your life is so busy now trying to be an adult and start a career that everything is just very overwhelming. Things tend to calm down a bit in year two because you’ve earned enough “reps” that you can handle it.
It’s kinda like when you start college. If your single before your freshman year it’s hard to have a relationship because your trying to get settled. There’s soooo many new people and new experiences plus you grow so much that first year it’s hard to, in a sense, tie yourself down. By your sophomore year things get a little easier. You’re used to college life. You’ve picked a scene to roll with. Classes aren’t as overwhelming. So you’re more comfortable with effort dating.
I remember when you first got out there and you were lonely because you didn’t know anyone. Now that your 6 months passed the FWE, your in a totally opposite situation. I know you yearn for at pleast a normal dating situation since your last few have been duds but you’ll get there in time.
Once you become master of your own domain you’ll find a way to be master of guy’s domain.
Written on the glorious iPad. noonersdelight.com!
Thanks, Josh. I’m sure it will settle down and be great! My last few weren’t “duds” – all learning experiences. Thank’s for your insight – you’ve been a go to for lots of “guy advice.” And thanks for your iPad and blog plug. 😛
I have to agree with Josh, you are in that honeymoon phase of the city. Geoff and I talked about it too. He said he learned that you can’t date someone who is new to the city, they are too caught up in the excitement. But that just means you have to find someone who is caught up in it too. Someone who lives close, also works crazy hours, and is into the nightlife and social scene. He’ll even like your guard-cat.
I think you are so right, so many things have to align for something to work. But for the right person, none of that matters. Distance, differences, squabbles, all become insignificant when you find the right person. You will go through hell and high water to be with them. But you have so much time for that. Date. Enjoy all the city has to offer. Find that guy who fits you for now, even if it’s not Mr. Longterm, enjoy Mr. Rightnow. Relax and it will happen.
You’re right: be open, let go and believe. Then just live each moment that you’re in. It’s really that simple. All the rest is just wasted energy. My humble opinion of course!
I couldn’t agree with you more! Each moment is what makes a lifetime of special memories. No matter what. 🙂