I’ve said it a million times. “Create your reality.” You are in charge of your life and where it goes. Create your happiness. You are in control of what you do, who you associate yourself with, how hard you you work, what you achieve. You are in control of your life. Your destiny. Except one little part.
I have played an integral role in where I am today. I know that sounds silly, but it’s true. I don’t associate my successes with “luck.” Instead, I associate them as being a result of hard work, man-hours, and pushing forward no matter how hard you’re getting pulled back. Yes, of course, certain opportunities arise at the right place and the right time and I feel lucky to be there in the middle of it. But I choose whether to take it or let it pass me by.
Anyone who knows me knows how hard I work. How hard I work at my job. How hard I work at maintaining my friendships. How hard I work at remaining close with my family. I control what happens in my life. Yes, of course, there are little bumps that throw my lateral movement a little off course, but I always swerve back in the direction I choose.
Lately, I’ve been extra busy. With vacations, conferences, business trips, babies (not mine, my best friend’s), friends, attempting to date, tweetups, new media drinkups, working out, etc. etc. etc. My calendar has literally been off its rocker. And it makes me think.
It makes me think about the future. I just wrote about how fast time is flying by and it scares me. I don’t see my lifestyle changing anytime soon. I don’t see my work ethic diminishing, my desire to keep friendships (new and old) alive weakening, my busy-ness slowing down, anytime soon.
I have a career that I love. I have friends and family that I love. I could not be happier with my life that I have created in San Francisco. Seriously. I feel blessed every single day.
But there’s something missing amidst all the lunches and appointments and overtime. What about a boyfriend? I’m gearing up for a weekend in Colorado where I’m certain I’ll be interrogated about my current dating habits. My response? It’s not a priority in my life right now (Grandma, if you’re reading this, maybe you can save your breath).
And that’s ok, because I’m young right? Because I’m young I don’t need to think about the future and I just need to know that it will just happen? That I’ll just meet someone when it’s right and that’s how it’ll be? I should just be patient and it’ll happen when I least expect it?
But like I said, I’ve controlled everything. And I’m having a bit of a hard time accepting the fact that finding that “special someone” is completely out of my hands.
Please don’t get me wrong – I do not want to get married now. I can barely manage dating right now let alone a boyfriend. I do not want to have children right now. I am in no rush. But I’d like to think that it’s a possibility in the future and something that might actually happen for me.
Something that I’ve learned through the past eight years of dating: relationships are hard. And those weren’t even really “adult” relationships. So now that I’m an “adult” they’re even harder. There are so many things that have to line up in order for a relationship to succeed. And I cannot do anything to control their alignment.
You can’t create a relationship. You have to hope you meet the right person who wants the same things at the right time. You can’t control any of that.
And it seems that all of these factors actually aligning puts you up against insurmountable odds.
I may not be able to control any of that, but I can control the idea of being open to it. I can continue to put myself out there where and when I can and not shut the door on that possibility all together. I can let go of trying to control that aspect and leave something in my life up to fate. I can be grateful (and I am every day) for what I have and what I’ve accomplished. I can believe that one day, maybe not soon, but one day, all my stars will align.
And thanks to Liz, for talking me off the edge. 🙂