“So, you’re always honest,” I said.
“Aren’t you?”
“No,” I told him. “I’m not.”
“Well, that’s good to know, I guess.”
“I’m not saying I’m a liar,” I told him. He raised his eyebrows. “That’s not how I meant it, anyways.”
“How’d you mean it, then?”
“I just…I don’t always say what I feel.”
“Why not?”
“Because the truth sometimes hurts,” I said.
“Yeah,” he said. “So do lies, though.”– Sarah Dessen
My parents always taught me to tell the truth. Under any and all circumstances, never lie. Lying will get you in more trouble than not. Always be honest. No matter the circumstances, honesty always prevails. Always.
I’ve had several run-ins with this methodology that have almost made me jump ship. I was honest with a police officer and ended up getting kicked out of a baseball game, and left with legal fees, and community service. Thanks, honesty.
I’ve had more “foot-in-my-mouth” moments than I can even begin to tally up. I was actually gifted a framed coffee filter with a gaping hole torn in the center. The gift was labeled “Lauren’s Filter.”
I say what’s on my mind. Sometimes, to a fault. And as you know, I divulge the learnings and experiences of my personal life for you here, on this blog. But I’m also like this in person – honest, genuine, authentic. I’m just…me.
As I grow and learn, “honesty” has become somewhat of a shape-shifter. What once seemed so easy, so second nature, is now more of a challenge. I am more aware of truth, dishonesty, and omission than ever before. Why?
The world teaches you to be shrewd above honest.
While shrewd doesn’t exactly mean deceptive, there are some shrewd tendencies that are equivalently tricky. We want to be suspicious, careful, conscious. We want to protect ourselves. And above all, we want to know how to avoid being taken advantage of by the fast-talking, agenda-driven people and nicely-packaged, well-advertised distortions of reality that exist in our everyday lives.
So, we devise plans that will help us accomplish these goals. We integrate simple, basic deception into our everyday lives. Now, that almost-invisible manipulation is just a part of us. It’s taken the place of honesty as second nature.
It might sound cynical, but it’s the truth. Some now hesitate to praise honesty too much – or are afraid to encourage it at the expense of common sense. The practicalities of the “real world” take precedence over the morally righteous.
I have actually (actually) heard that honesty now looks like a dubious virtue if not an actual vice.
And it makes me sad.
It makes me sad that people can’t be honest with each other. That we’re surrounded by an envelop of ulterior motives and self-endorsing bullshit.
It makes me sad that people feel the dire need to lie or deceive in order to achieve their goals. They need to take advantage of the “weak” in order to gain clout and acceptance. And they’ll step on anything or anyone that gets in their way.
Once again, we can revisit the fact that I’m a control freak (LINK). And my realization that while the world is spinning in a tornado of deceit, there’s only one question that really matters.
Can I be honest with myself?
Ultimately, being honest with yourself is all that matters. I’ve discovered that for some people, when they tell the same lie over and over again, they actually begin to believe it themselves. They have successfully tricked their brain to believe their own untruth. They lose track of what is real and what is just a figment of deception that has reached so deeply, even the perpetrator has fallen victim.
This form of deception is the scariest to me. At this point of self deception, you have truly become encompassed by truths, untruths, honesty, dishonesty, deceit, you are spinning so fast you don’t know what to believe.
In order to be truthful and honest, you must start from within.
Integrity is one of the most important qualities a person can possess.
To have integrity means that you are an honest, moral and ethical person. Integrity and character, therefore, go hand in hand, and it is most important to begin with your relationship with yourself. Align your actions with your values and ideals and soon enough, that truth will radiate throughout you.
Of course, there is risk to being honest and forthright. For example, you could end up getting kicked out of a baseball game and left with legal fees and community service hours. You could break someone’s heart. You could hurt someone’s feelings. The power of honesty is remarkable. And with great power, comes great responsibility, right? Right. You have to be aware of how your honesty affects others and how others may respond.
And this brings us back to the world teaching shrewdness above honesty. My question is; why can’t we be both? Fill our lives with integrity, morals, values and honesty while being aware and alert of our surroundings, people’s prerogatives and identify the truth in whatever we see – no matter what that truth really is. If we are honest with ourselves, we’ll be able to spot the bullshitter from a mile away.
Honesty is not equivalent to naïveté.
I believe in utmost honesty, even when the truth hurts. But I’m also not acting without caution – I think of repercussions and I never, ever want to hurt anyone.
But when it comes down to it, I have to be honest with myself above all else.
Do you think honesty is the best policy? Is there a difference between a lie and an omission? Can you tell when someone is lying to you? How?
I love you.
-Adam.
Thank you for being honest 🙂
HEHE. I’m totally for serious. Every blog post in the past month has been amazing. I think you’re up to something. Either you’ve let go a bit more or you’re doing very hard drugs.
No matter what it is, keep it up! (and I want some of whatever you’re getting).
I try to stay away from the hard drugs. 🙂 Thanks, Adam. Glad you’re enjoying the blog as much as I am!
I’m pretty much the worse liar on the planet! I am more of an omitter than I am a liar. When I have nothing nice to say, I TRY to say nothing at all. Although, sometimes that doesn’t work out so well…. 🙂
I’m not a good liar either. Omission is sometimes better, but I stand by the idea that you should always say what you feel – even if it’s not “nice.” Then again, it depends on a lot of things: the person, your relationship, your levels of trust, etc.
And you have to be prepared for the [insert foot here] moments 🙂
I agree that it totally depends on the person/situation/etc. I’m not one to not express my feelings, but sometimes it’s just easier not to (you know, to avoid the whole “your a bitch comments” I’m so used to getting). I swear I’m a nice person people!!
I have absolutely been there. Honesty is tough sometimes – especially when people can’t take criticism. I always prefer realness when it comes to my close friends. Which is why you’re such a good one!
I agree with this entire entry. Honest is so important and tends to get me in trouble too. I’d much rather have people be honest with me than have their lies hurt later.
I agree with you (obviously) 100 percent. As they say, “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.” You should never have to get permission to be honest.
Thanks for the comment, Sara! Hope all is well!
Sorry, It wouldn’t let me Reply to your last comment. But I just wanted to say “Woohoo GO US!”
🙂
I try my best to follow this:
2 of the following criteria must be met before spoken:
– is it true.
– is it necessary.
– is it good.
When I find myself saying necessary and good things to people, I don’t always feel my omission of the truth is bad. However, when I get into a cycle of saying true and necessary things, sometimes I feel I come across cruel.
Saying true and good things is the most fun, really. So on that note:
Like the post! 😉 See you soon.
Thanks for the comment, Mary! That’s a great way to think of it! I’ve actually never really thought of it that way – the three of them put together is obviously ideal 🙂 Very insightful.
Looking forward to seeing you Friday!
I relate to this so much! I’m pretty much either completely honest or completely quiet. I’m still learning tact. It’s a very important thing for those of us honest people with no filter to learn. But it’s not at all an easy lesson.
Tact is definitely important – it’s always best to “think before we speak.” It’s definitely not an easy lesson, but I truly believe that being honest upfront is the best method, but you’re right! It takes tact and thinking about repercussions!
Thanks for the comment, Andrea!
There IS a difference between a lie and omission – but both are dishonest, and dishonesty and I do NOT get along.
I agree with you, L – honesty (full-blown, 100% honesty) is the best policy. Liars get no respect from me, but if you’re honest at least I can still (usually) respect you. Unless you’re a dick.
“Unless you’re a dick.” HA! You crack me up, girl. I agree with you, though – I have automatic respect for people who are genuinely honest. Then it’s up to them to not blow my respect 🙂
Thanks for the comment!