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“So, you’re always honest,” I said.
“Aren’t you?”
“No,” I told him. “I’m not.”
“Well, that’s good to know, I guess.”
“I’m not saying I’m a liar,” I told him. He raised his eyebrows. “That’s not how I meant it, anyways.”
“How’d you mean it, then?”
“I just…I don’t always say what I feel.”
“Why not?”
“Because the truth sometimes hurts,” I said.
“Yeah,” he said. “So do lies, though.”

– Sarah Dessen

My parents always taught me to tell the truth. Under any and all circumstances, never lie. Lying will get you in more trouble than not. Always be honest. No matter the circumstances, honesty always prevails. Always.

I’ve had several run-ins with this methodology that have almost made me jump ship. I was honest with a police officer and ended up getting kicked out of a baseball game, and left with legal fees, and community service. Thanks, honesty.

I’ve had more “foot-in-my-mouth” moments than I can even begin to tally up. I was actually gifted a framed coffee filter with a gaping hole torn in the center. The gift was labeled “Lauren’s Filter.”

I say what’s on my mind. Sometimes, to a fault. And as you know, I divulge the learnings and experiences of my personal life for you here, on this blog. But I’m also like this in person – honest, genuine, authentic. I’m just…me.

As I grow and learn, “honesty” has become somewhat of a shape-shifter. What once seemed so easy, so second nature, is now more of a challenge. I am more aware of truth, dishonesty, and omission than ever before. Why?

The world teaches you to be shrewd above honest.

While shrewd doesn’t exactly mean deceptive, there are some shrewd tendencies that are equivalently tricky. We want to be suspicious, careful, conscious. We want to protect ourselves. And above all, we want to know how to avoid being taken advantage of by the fast-talking, agenda-driven people and nicely-packaged, well-advertised distortions of reality that exist in our everyday lives.

So, we devise plans that will help us accomplish these goals. We integrate simple, basic deception into our everyday lives. Now, that almost-invisible manipulation is just a part of us. It’s taken the place of honesty as second nature.

It might sound cynical, but it’s the truth. Some now hesitate to praise honesty too much – or are afraid to encourage it at the expense of common sense. The practicalities of the “real world” take precedence over the morally righteous.

I have actually (actually) heard that honesty now looks like a dubious virtue if not an actual vice.

And it makes me sad.

It makes me sad that people can’t be honest with each other. That we’re surrounded by an envelop of ulterior motives and self-endorsing bullshit.

It makes me sad that people feel the dire need to lie or deceive in order to achieve their goals. They need to take advantage of the “weak” in order to gain clout and acceptance. And they’ll step on anything or anyone that gets in their way.

Once again, we can revisit the fact that I’m a control freak (LINK). And my realization that while the world is spinning in a tornado of deceit, there’s only one question that really matters.

Can I be honest with myself?

Ultimately, being honest with yourself is all that matters. I’ve discovered that for some people, when they tell the same lie over and over again, they actually begin to believe it themselves. They have successfully tricked their brain to believe their own untruth. They lose track of what is real and what is just a figment of deception that has reached so deeply, even the perpetrator has fallen victim.

This form of deception is the scariest to me. At this point of self deception, you have truly become encompassed by truths, untruths, honesty, dishonesty, deceit, you are spinning so fast you don’t know what to believe.

In order to be truthful and honest, you must start from within.

Integrity is one of the most important qualities a person can possess.

To have integrity means that you are an honest, moral and ethical person. Integrity and character, therefore, go hand in hand, and it is most important to begin with your relationship with yourself. Align your actions with your values and ideals and soon enough, that truth will radiate throughout you.

Of course, there is risk to being honest and forthright. For example, you could end up getting kicked out of a baseball game and left with legal fees and community service hours. You could break someone’s heart. You could hurt someone’s feelings. The power of honesty is remarkable. And with great power, comes great responsibility, right? Right. You have to be aware of how your honesty affects others and how others may respond.

And this brings us back to the world teaching shrewdness above honesty. My question is; why can’t we be both? Fill our lives with integrity, morals, values and honesty while being aware and alert of our surroundings, people’s prerogatives and identify the truth in whatever we see – no matter what that truth really is. If we are honest with ourselves, we’ll be able to spot the bullshitter from a mile away.

Honesty is not equivalent to naïveté.

I believe in utmost honesty, even when the truth hurts. But I’m also not acting without caution – I think of repercussions and I never, ever want to hurt anyone.

But when it comes down to it, I have to be honest with myself above all else.

Do you think honesty is the best policy? Is there a difference between a lie and an omission? Can you tell when someone is lying to you? How?

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