Let’s go places.

Let’s go places.

2012, was a year of movement. It was a year of exploration and realization. Last year was a year of pushing boundaries, testing limits, trying and failing and flailing and resurfacing stronger than before.

2012 was a good year.

This time of year, after the ball drops and a new year has begun, it’s natural (and widely over-written about) to stop and reflect on the previous year and set goals for the one to come. I’ve read countless blog headlines: “2013: The Year of Love,” “My Resolutions,” “Visioning 2013.” I whole heartedly believe that it is good (and crucial) to have goals and a vision in life. To resolve to do things better, be more organized, love harder, pay more attention — whatever you feel like the previous year was lacking, to improve upon those things.

For me, I always take a look and reflect right around my birthday. Two weeks after the new year has rung and I’m getting settled from the chaos that comes with the holidays.

Yet, I digress.

I began reading a book a week or so ago: “Twenty Something, Twenty Everything.” Essentially, it’s about going through your “twenty-something crisis.” Or your “quarter-life crisis” as it’s more widely known. I’m not quite sure how I stumbled upon this book (I’m fairly certain Amazon recommended it to me and I fell into the black hole of “if you like this, then you’ll like that” and three hours on the Internet later, I settled on this book). “She writes like me,” I thought. So I chose the book.

I’ve been feeling “weird” lately. I know, “weird” isn’t a very descriptive word, but the truth is, I have a hard time describing it otherwise.

Christine Hassler, the author of the book, puts it best, “nothing is really wrong, but nothing really feels right, either.”

For the past three years, I have been so certain of every aspect of my life. I knew, in the depths of my heart of hearts that I was supposed to be in San Francisco, that I was supposed to be working for Context Optional/Adobe, that I was supposed to be with my boyfriend, that my life is exactly as it should be.

Six months ago, I began wondering; is where I’m supposed to be was really where I want to be?

I started to question everything. Wondering if I’d made all of the right decisions. Wondering if I really was supposed to be where I am, working where I am, dating who I am, friends with who I am, living where I am. It just spiraled.

(Into a glass box of emotion).
If you don’t get the Anchorman reference, please stop reading now.

I stopped writing (as you may or may not have noticed). I stopped writing even in my journal. I just didn’t know how to put into words what I was feeling. I closed up to the boyfriend. I hadn’t had a good talk with my dad in months. You see, nothing was wrong. But nothing felt right anymore, either.

I still don’t have all the answers. Hell, I don’t even have one of them. But as my dad wrote in our back-and-forth journal, this is life. I’m going to be uncertain. I’m going to be stressed and anxious and wonder whether I’m doing the right thing or if I’m doing well enough or if I am where I’m supposed to be. He wrote, now that I’ve discovered that this is life, I have the power to choose what I do with it.

Balance. Focus. Peace.

Those are my words for 2013.

I want to discover. I want to be open. I want to think, but not over-think. I want to be calm and patient. I want to be focused, but free. I want to be content with not knowing all the answers right this minute and be aware enough to trust they’ll come to me when they’re ready.

2013, let’s go places.

6 Comments

  1. Unfortunately, inside out thinking is very difficult and, as we get older, decisions take a lot more time. Remember how easy it was in high school to quit that summer job for another job. We didn’t even have to give notice. Sometimes we just stopped showing up. Now, to see if things are as they should be, radical changes must be made. New jobs, new locations, new loves and hobbies. Tired of Surfing and want to take up skate boarding? You’re looking at $200 just to buy the equipment!

    No matter how huge these trials seem to be (time off work, time in a new place or time alone), it’s the only way to easily change the perspective from inside out to outside in. I didn’t realize a change in my life had to happen until I moved to SF and realized all of the right and wrong things about the life I had created in Florida. The same goes for the move to NH. There were right and wrong things about the time and people I was with in SF.

    I’m not recommending someone move their entire life across country as a test but literally going someplace and, for a trial, taking their approach and mind off their old life even if it’s just for 2 weeks will give some nice perspectives.

    At the very least, turn off the TV, Twitter and Facebook for a month. I wish adult stuff wasn’t so complicated. It would be nice to approach things like I did my summer jobs as a teenager but, back then, I made minimum wage and dressed like a dork so adult things have their pros and cons.

    You only have one life, right? YOLO? LOL

    Reply
    • I’m really trying to think inside out in all aspects of my life — work, relationships, vision. Sometimes I do wish it was as easy as it was “back in high school” but then I remember how rewarding it is when we make a big decision (like moving to San Francisco) and it works out in amazing ways. Technology is both helpful and hindering in this process, and I’m certainly taking steps to cut aspects of it out of my life. Blogging, Tweeting and watching certain shows on TV are things that bring me joy, so they get to stay. As for the other stuff? See ya!

      And no, YOLO. Ugh. :)

      Reply
  2. I think as bloggers, we tend to be highly introspective by nature. Sometimes all that over-thinking and analyzing can actually be harmful to our psyche! Remember, while you’re figuring it out, to take deep breaths and go easy on yourself. We’re not supposed to have our lives wrapped up tightly in pretty little boxes. It’s okay to be messy. Sometimes the messes are the most beautiful things!

    Reply
    • Totally agree! It’s also in my OCD nature to make sure that everything in life is packed in pretty boxes. It’s a learning process and an accepting process, but I’m glad I’m aware enough to realize that. And that I’m not alone!

      Reply
  3. I think I am going to be adopting that: “2013, Let’s go places.” Your post couldn’t be more spot on for how myself, and many other women our age with solid careers, goals, plans, and relationships are thinking. On my own path to discovery, I’ve found a few things to help me not let that nasty thought spiral take over (at least not always!).

    What started with as a quest of reminding myself of what makes me happy, I came across “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin, and took her incredibly solid advice of two things: 1) Let the past be memories, let the future happen, but live in the present and embrace it (even when it’s confusing as…. you know) and 2) Be you. Remember to be you by writing 12 simple commandments that help you stay centered, balanced, happy, and less stressed. For instance some of mine are: Be Heather. Hug more, touch more, show love more. Let it go. Courtesy and Commonsense. Laugh. Act as you feel. And more.

    Tailor them to yourself (that’s what I did) and let them guide you to remember what makes you feel like you are making progress, have balance, and can take on our crazy 20’s. Even though I still have a giant tumbleweed of thoughts and feelings to work through, they help me do so a little bit easier by bringing me back to me. Now, let’s let 2013 happen and live every minute of it!

    Reply
    • I couldn’t agree more. I really like the two pieces of advice – living in the present is something I’m always working on. Even as specific as each minute, each hour, not even just each day. Love this and love you!

      Reply

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