“The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”
I’ve learned many things since I’ve moved to San Francisco. I’ve learned that living alone is incredible. I’ve learned that work and the “real world” is a lot harder than I thought it would be – but it’s also even more rewarding. I’ve learned that I should always look both ways before crossing the street. I’ve learned that cab drivers are generally insane. I’ve learned that winters are rainy and fall is beautiful in the city (and I can’t wait for spring). I’ve learned how to tell when someone is a tourist. I thought that through my journey to the big city, I’d learn a few things. But one of the most important things I’ve learned is the meaning of true friendship. This, I was not prepared to learn.
I have always had lots of friends. Girls and boys. Friends I could laugh with. Friends I could cry with. Friends I could just be myself around. I moved out to San Francisco knowing no one. Not a soul. But I was confident in myself, my dreams and I had encouragement from all my friends. I wasn’t afraid because I knew I had my friends back in Colorado.
Since I’ve moved, I’ve grown apart from several friends. Distance is a difficult obstacle to overcome when trying to maintain a relationship. But I never thought that some of the people that I was so close to, would just…fade away. I hear things like, “I was busy,” “I was working,” “I was with my girlfriend.” I’m not a fan of excuses – never have been. I do understand being busy, I really do. And that’s ok for the first 3 unreturned phone calls.
It’s hard to maintain a friendship when life is getting in the way.
And to be honest, life should never get in the way. That’s what I’ve learned. When you have a true friend. When you have really bonded with someone and they and your relationship with them are the epitome of true friendship, life is the reason for your relationship. You have to call the other person because of your life. You cry to that person, laugh with that person, are there for that person and they’re there for you because of life.
Being busy causes us to prioritize what is important in our lives. It forces us to make time for those that we value. But what’s hard about this is you ultimately realize the people you value, may not value you back. It’s a tough realization and it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that some person, who you might consider a close friend, obviously and blatantly doesn’t shed you in the same light.
What you have to remember is friendship is a two-way street. It’s important in order to maintain a healthy relationship that both parties are participating in keeping the friendship alive equally. And if one person isn’t…
As hard as this may be, I’ve learned that all of this is ok.
Make new friends. Develop new relationships. The ones that matter from your past will stick with you in the future. No matter what. People change. People grow. And the important people grow with you even if you’re growing in different directions.
(I know I’m not the only one who might be going through this – check out my Friday Q&A from two weeks ago).
Perfect. Spoken very well. If I didn’t know your age, I’d assume this was written by a very mature and very wise adult. That’s why I keep coming back. 🙂
wow, this post could not be more timely for me. I have lost a lot of good people in my life who I thought would be friends through thick and thin. Things turned thicker and our time together wore thin. I have learned to appreciate everyone who has played a role in my life, whether a bit part, a leading lady, or a trusted confidant. They have all helped me grow and have helped me look forward to all the wonderful people I will meet in the future. The good news for me is that like yourself, Lauren, I have meet some incredible people in the last few years. I know they all won’t be around in another five years, but I’m excited about the possibilites.
There is a greeting card that says friends can be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I’ve learned that the season ones can sometimes last for many seasons, but when you grow apart, the differences between the season and lifetime friends becomes so apparent that you can look back and see it there all along. In life, you are going to need all three types. Enjoy them. I moved to Colorado from San Francisco 16 months ago, and yes, distance is a different hurdle.
Lauren, what a beautiful message you have written for us all. Making and losing friends is one of life’s lessons you never really “learn” or get used to. I am blessed with many friends. This post struck a chord with me because a week or so ago I went on a “Boyz” trip (read: cruise to the Bahamas) with four of my childhood friends. This was our fifth trip. We go away every five years, so we have been doing this for 25 years. It is always a special time when we are away and its just the five of us. We spend time together doing fun stuff (a visit to a water park this trip), but we also have serious, often-times “life altering” discussions. It seems when we get away from the stresses of life we are better able to open up to each other and share the intimate details of what’s going on in our individual worlds. This usually takes about an hour, then its off to the bar :). Anyway, your post was timely and points out the truth that “The ones that matter from your past will stick with you in the future. No matter what. People change. People grow. And the important people grow with you even if you’re growing in different directions.” So, its like I always say, “You can never have too many friends in the world.” The more the better, because you never know which ones are the ones that are going to stick. Keep your chin up and a smile on your face. Anyone who doesn’t want to, or can’t make the time to be your friend, is the one who’s losing out. You are a very special person, and to know you, to really KNOW you, is to love you!
What a lovely post. I know it’s been hard for me realizing that friendships change and people can drift away, and that’s it’s not necessarily my fault or something I can change.
Life happens and you learn to make room for all kinds of friends at whatever level of friendship works. But you’re right. It still has to be a two-way street, no matter what.
I’m so lucky to have found you!! While this may sound selfish, and I REALLY don’t mean it that way-I am so glad you drifted into my life-because I treasure you, and I’m so damn proud you are my friend.
So lets hang out the first weekend in March. Cool? Cool.
🙂 Love you.